More fighting with the SO. I posted it all in the LJ
I am crushed, but there is little to do at this point.
Our relationship is puzzlingly vague and utterly un-specific, and I want to fall back to those old john peel sessions you know - the words on Ian's headstone...
It is late again Saturday night, and I am alone with my MARC tags again...I just finished a huge section of the Maria Callas recordings, and am leaving this world with her voice...La Boheme, Carmen, Madame Butterfly...
You know as we make these soundtracks to our lives - it almost makes things seem ok for the moment. I get lost in the music - and it makes everything feel almost couperstique...
You know what fuck it - If I could only find the words - here are someone else's words again...
I just can't right now - and he already has...
(for fuck's sake - The Cure, Human Drama, In The Nursery, New Order, Simple Minds, THE *FUCKING* SWANS (yeah - M. Gira), 10,000 Maniacs, U2, Paul Young...) all used these words because they are...so fitting.
Love Will Tear Us Apart (Ian Curtis)
When routine bites hard, and ambitions are low
And resentment rides high, but emotions won't grow
And we're changing our ways, taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again
Why is the bedroom so cold? You've turned away on your side
Is my timing that flawed - have our feelings run dry?
Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again
You cry out in your sleep - all my failings expose
There's a taste in my mouth, as desperation takes hold
Just that something so good just can't function no more
When love, love will tear us apart again
-- I am humble -- and can only hope to do the right thing.
I am crushed, but there is little to do at this point.
Our relationship is puzzlingly vague and utterly un-specific, and I want to fall back to those old john peel sessions you know - the words on Ian's headstone...
It is late again Saturday night, and I am alone with my MARC tags again...I just finished a huge section of the Maria Callas recordings, and am leaving this world with her voice...La Boheme, Carmen, Madame Butterfly...
You know as we make these soundtracks to our lives - it almost makes things seem ok for the moment. I get lost in the music - and it makes everything feel almost couperstique...
You know what fuck it - If I could only find the words - here are someone else's words again...
I just can't right now - and he already has...
(for fuck's sake - The Cure, Human Drama, In The Nursery, New Order, Simple Minds, THE *FUCKING* SWANS (yeah - M. Gira), 10,000 Maniacs, U2, Paul Young...) all used these words because they are...so fitting.
Love Will Tear Us Apart (Ian Curtis)
When routine bites hard, and ambitions are low
And resentment rides high, but emotions won't grow
And we're changing our ways, taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again
Why is the bedroom so cold? You've turned away on your side
Is my timing that flawed - have our feelings run dry?
Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again
You cry out in your sleep - all my failings expose
There's a taste in my mouth, as desperation takes hold
Just that something so good just can't function no more
When love, love will tear us apart again
-- I am humble -- and can only hope to do the right thing.
Sorry to hear about the fighting, and what is sounding like an inevitable course of action that can only bring more pain than what you're feeling now. But it'll be less pain than avoiding the decision(s) you know in your heart you have to make. I'll leave you with a snippet of some lyrics from Coldplay that sort of fit the place it sounds like you're in. But I'm sure you've got more than a few great musical selections in there to act as a life preserver as you're tossed in the rough seas... good luck.
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start