koolthing

I am sitting on the couch at rehab, drinking merlot, alone listening to LustMord remixes of Jarboe at maximum volume, squinting the tears from my eyes, thankful the big puppy is here to lick my hands.
The last few days have left my world spinning out of control, and I really can't find an appropriate place to start. I have been forced to question everything and everyone, watching the train wrecks one by one, and falling to my knees to pick up the bloody pieces.
There was some kind of reconciliation, some strange reconnection with the EX, and truth spewing like venom, from the very lips that brought betrayal and sorrow. There was anger and venom, passion and salvation in the tears.
I had hoped things would be different by now, things would have found their natural place, but there is still a restlessness that permeates my soul.
I almost left LA yesterday. I almost got on a plane to Amsterdam, though there is little for me there, and I dread the thought, I have to settle things there as soon as possible.
I have been working again. Real work, with Photoshop open.
It is strange, but every time I start the process, I remember why I am avoiding it - the constant thrill of creation, and the bitter disappointment of having some idiotic fuck wanting to exercise their creativity through my skills...fuck it.

So I have been to so many shows, and met so many great people, it almost tips the balance of the mad shitstorm surrounding things now. I gave my camera to my father, so I have nothing now to document everything. Thw Kinneson show was a bizarre experience, because I was watching for the angles to shoot, and ended up moving around quite a bit to get things into perspective, but had nothing to capture the amazing images I was snapping in my brain...

I am going to lurk friendster for a bit, and watch permanent midnight.
Drink my wine and throw shit out of the window at the freaks streaming down it after 2AM...