koolthing

I stare into the void watching and waiting
but nothing comes, nothing...
hold my breath until it burns lungs and lips blister blue
but nothing comes, nothing...
cut once twice - am I still alive
need to feel something because the nothing is too much
need more of that pain because it reminds me something, something can be real

I look to the monkeys for guidance
their blind, deaf, and mute response seems appropriate now
I played like a fool, and kept coming back for more
even time can't discourage me from loving what causes my heart pain and suffering.
Masochism is a heavy word to use for desperately seeking love, but why not call it what it really is?


---


that the slightest thing can change
everything
that defines insanity

that a fleeting gesture can create a torrent of emotion
strong enough to overwhelm everything else around it
seems too much to take

that life's events are filled with clarity
I live a voyeur, watching events unfold in slow motion
already knowing the outcome, but powerless to transform them, powerless to control them.

that control comes in the most negative forms but reassures
nonetheless
that defines insanity

it is something old but so reassuringly familiar.

;-)