kolic

Women. I want to call you to task. Enough with the gender games. Tell me the secret, tell me what I'm missing, what I don't understand. Fatter, uglier, less charming, less intelligent, smellier, smaller-dicked, just generally less pleasant men than me can get girls more attractive, witty, sexy, intelligent, charming than I can manage to even look twice at me. Why? I can change whatever is needed. I'm tired of being hurt, I'm tired of the frustration, I'm tired of the rejection and the loneliness. Do I just have to keep hoping one will deem herself lowly enough to sink to my level? I don't fucking understand it. What is so bad about me? Am I so damaged?
I give up. I opened myself to guys, not only out of curiosity, but because I can't get girls. Honest truth that I feel like a heel for admitting.
I can't handle not understanding the way humans work anymore. I'll never really understand and I'll never really fit in. I had my chance at a normal life with Leslie and I fucked it up out of selfishness. She gave me permission to indulge in guys and I take the first chance I get and I paid for it. The guy psychologically damaged me in ways that can't be fixed. I lost my chance at marriage to a woman I truly loved and who really understood me because I indulged my stupid libido. I'm just going through the motions now. So desperate to feel wanted, I was hooking up with a heartless, amoral, sociopathic, occasional-prostitute zoophile.