kolic

First off, a review that comes almost 10 years late. Stabbing Westward's Darkest Days album, perhaps the greatest breakup album of all time for a gent like me. The songs all describe every possible emotion you could feel when the one you love has ripped your heart out and pissed all over it. It deals with anger, regret, depression, hate, and ultimately, that fucking feeling of love that won't go away even when you know it needs to otherwise you'll end
up dying inside...Not that I know that feeling or anything...
So, without further ado, one of the best songs on the album (rated for lyrics as well as melody, etc.)

(As an aside, I can't stand cold beer. Think the House Un-American Activities Commitee will chase me down?)

Waking Up Beside You

I've been alone for so long.
Forgotten by the world, forgotten to myself
you effervescent eyes have awakened me
and brushed the dust away...
but I knew you'd never stay,
so I memorized the color of your eyes
as I lost myself inside you.
I memorized the way our legs entwined
as I drifted off bside you.
I miss.
God, I miss waking up beside you...

At night I cling to you, I'm so afraid
afraid the day will come
and I'll wake up and find you gone
but you promise that you'd not abandon me
and kissed my fears away...
butI woke up to that day...
but I memorized the way our eyes would meet
reflected in the bathroom mirror.
and I memorized you naked silhouette
as you slowly brushed your hair.
I miss
God, I miss waking up beside you

I've been alone for so long..
I forgot how much it hurts to wake up so alone
but I'd memorized how warm you body felt
as you lay half asleep beside me.
and I memorized the way the sunlight filled the room
and played upon your body.
I miss
God, I miss waking up beside you.


Oh...and how sad is this (for my ego/self-esteem)? I basically got left for a jock. Her little rebound boy toy? He's a pvper in WoW. Now...I play WoW as well, I roleplay, using creativity to craft a living, breathing, improvised story with the help of other players...but pvpers? They're like the jocks of the game. They're the majority, they're arrogant, ignorant, ego-driven, and are constantly fighting one another to prove who has the bigger dick, which is funny to me, because skill in that game comes with practice...which comes with sitting in front of the computer all day...which means not having a life. I'm slowly starting to wonder if this is more proof that I have to become an asshole to attract girls for more than a temporary thing. If it'll bring the chicks, I'll gladly break this guy's nose with a headbutt (In game even, if the Night Elves, Blood Elves, and Undead girls all flock to me for it, at least I won't feel lonely). Fuck this submissive nice guy bullshit. Fuck this Peter Parker life. I want the Venom life. Bash shit in, don't apologize, and get your fucking way once in awhile. I literally want to dig my fingers in someone's face right now and show them that I am not some quiet little geek to be pushed around for their amusement.

And yeah, I'll get a hundred comments (from girls, most likely) saying "Oh, but the nice guy is so much better, blah blah blah." If there's one thing I've had shoved in my face over and over again, no matter how dominant the girl is, how power-hungry she is, if you can't show that you're willing to stomp a guy into a mudhole (literally or verbally) for stupid shit, then they eventually tire of you. If you don't think you're the baddest motherfucker around, then what are you? I've seen it a hundred times. I've been emasculated in the eyes of girls because I don't do that typical male ego bullshit. If you are a nice guy, most girls will stop seeing you as a man in the primitive, biological-driven, fuck-to-perpetuate-the-line way. And they'll never see you as anything else unless you have to go nucking futs and show a backbone. Why else would my love have left me because she saw so many cute, tough guys all day at work and then came home to my sulky, boney ass? Though why she's painkilling her way through our break-up with a guy who sounds an awful lot like me in a lot of ways, I don't know.
Yeah...if I announce what I've observed, you can't really say I'm wrong or lying, can you? I may be wrong, but these are my observations, knowing you're wrong about something requires having observations to prove you wrong, it requires proof of other truths, it requires hindsight.
'Sides...not like I have anyone else to rant at/to. Hell, it's not like I can get the balls to say this shit out loud anyway. Not to mention that this method allows me to get an uninterupted thought out of my head and gives me time to decide what all I want to say and how to say it. I always forget things otherwise, and it ruins any dramatic exits I could have when I keep popping my head back in to add the thought I forgot to say.