koleeta

Today is his birthday.

Sunday I was going to buy him something to leave in his mailbox for his birthday. He sent me flowers this year. I was thinking a piece of cake or a brownie, then I remembered that he's not into sweets. So I thought of beer. I know he drinks Tecate but I think he just buys that because it's cheap. I walked around the little grocery store trying to figure out if he likes ales, if he likes dark beer or lighter beer. Truthfully, I had no idea.

Then I finally admitted to myself that I really don't know him. I don't know him as well as I think I do and really this is the end. THE end. The end. I mean... I know it's been the end for a long time now and I don't know why I always drag these things out as long as possible. I think that's just the sort of person I am. It's hard for me to let go of anyone and anything.

Anyway, hopefully this time I telling myself it's the end will stick. This is when I will exercise the willpower I discovered I had five years ago. "It's the same deal. Just do what you did last time, remember? It's not coming back from the dead, there's nothing there to resurrect. He's gone and that is over. It's over. Finished."

Time to listen to some Third Eye Blind.