koleeta

Nothing says "I miss you" quite like the poetry carved in your door with a Stanley knife.

I'm tired and I'm cold. I'm sitting on a shuttle (i.e. a bus) that is taking me from the airport to the train station.

The weekend is over and so is "us"

Really, it was over a long time ago but this weekend we both agreed on it. We finally realized that no matter how good we look on paper, in theory, or in the bedroom, we don't quite work in practice. We're both really bummed that we don't. It's a weird situation, one that I've never been in before. It's like pieces of a puzzle that look like they are supposed to fit together and they almost do except for that one little part.

Having regular conversation doesn't work for us. It always involves some kind of awkwardness. Except lately we've been letting our guard down and talking about things that we should have talked about a long time ago. The agreement to stay friends has taken the pressure off of everything and I think has allowed us to talk normally. There's no worry about saying the wrong thing that might cause him, or me, leave. There's no "I might lose him/her." At least, that's how it feels for me. I've been trying to bring that over into the relationship but I always get resistance from his end and there's nothing I can do at that point but relieve the pressure. That's not an innuendo.

Anyway, this is more of a relief than anything. Now I don't have to worry about how/when things will end I know it's sad to think that way but sometimes I do. There's also a lining of sadness around the feeling of relief because now I've thrown the fish back into the sea and I have to sit here in the boat, and wait some more.

sad eyes,
I'm tryin to
hold it together

keep my love as
light as a feather
sad eyes
baby, it's been such a long time

keep my heart
breaking
in the dark
...come and spend the night