koleeta

So tonight Maxx dragged me onto the red carpet of the Academy Awards.

We walked by Paul Dano, who looked as surprised to see me as I was to actually be standing right in front of him. Of course that was when I realized what the hell drunk Maxx was thinking when he pulled me across the street. I also realized that we were probably going to get in trouble and should probably get out of there before we get kicked out. So I started dragging drunk Maxx off the red carpet.

He then tried to convince me to go back. Something about a once in a lifetime opportunity, what's the worst that could happen?, etc. And I didn't take it. All I could think about was how I had to go to work tomorrow, if I got arrested how much would I have to pay for bail? Would there be a fine? Would employers ask about it when I applied for jobs? Yes, these were my actual thoughts.

I ended up thinking about it all the way back to the train station. I thought about it a lot. What you're getting here is the summarized version, with less self-hate. I thought about how it really is something I will probably only get to do once in my life. How I was just thinking earlier that day how I should be doing more fun things, spontaneous things. I had thought that I was someone who wasn't afraid and that I would life life, actually LIVE it when given the chance. I didn't. I failed to do so. At the time the fear outweighed the thought of regret, but once the fear wore off the regret was definitely there. I knew it would be too when I made my decision. I felt so disappointed in myself on the walk from Hollywood and Highland to Hollywood and Vine. I was so shook up at the thought that when it really came down to it I "didn't have it in me." I took the safe route because I was scared.

Then a friend told me to look at this as a good thing. Next time an opportunity comes up I should use this as an reminder to take it.

So fuck you, Maxx, for making me go through a mini life crisis! and also, thanks.