Started listening to John Mayer again. I forgot how much he feels like home, then again I think I have changed much since I last listened to him frequently. I think it's weird how that happens. As my tastes in music and clothes change they reflect the kind of person I am according to my beliefs and ideals. Does that make sense?
For example in the past year or so I think I've graduated into a more realistic way of looking at love and relationships (i.e. what I think is fair and unfair, what I want, what I tolerate, honesty, etc.). This, in turn, affects how I live my life. Like, thinking in this way has made me more rational and mature but in turn I don't use baby talk as much, I don't go for things that are cute or wholesome, I've lost my heart. I start to think in lines, equations, things that make sense and are logical instead of thinking with emotions. I also get frustrated with myself for thinking in ways that aren't rational, I think I can never really change that part of me, I just tell it to shut up and subdue it. In a way I hate that, I hate that I've somehow broken my own heart - in the way that a horse would be broken. It no longer governs my actions, now it's my mind and adult self that tells me what to do and how to react to situations and confrontation. In some ways I miss my old self, that romantic, artistic mind. However, I am thankful that I've realized what sanity is, what logic is, what makes sense so I don't hit those all time lows like I used to. (I think I've also lost the ability to write properly for now I feel I can better express myself through an outline with my main points in bulleted lists.)
I think the inability to feel like I used to has made me really confused this time around. I wasn't really as desperately miserable, or at least not as often as I would be in previous break ups. I still think about him constantly but it's not like "I will die if he doesn't talk to me again." In reality I am sad because I don't really get what happened. Things didn't "turn sour" they just were all of a sudden. We just got off the sit and spin and stumbled off into opposite directions. I was upset he didn't want to come in my direction and maybe he was upset that I didn't want to go with him, of course I'll never know because I told him I'd let him know when I was ready to talk to him again and I don't think I ever will be ready. Of course, I say that right now but I might just need time to forget how much I like him and focus on his faults. That's how you get over someone, right?
Another thing John Mayer reminds me is that "there's no substitute for time."
So now I once again need to refocus my energy. What do I want for myself? What am I working towards in this life?
I've been thinking a lot about the environment lately. I always think about it but this time it's more of a career related "thinking." It's the only subject that has always been a constant in my life. It's kind of like music, I mean who doesn't love music, right? Who doesn't fucking love the planet? Anyway, I'm thinking of a change in career paths - not that I really had a career path before, it was more like an idea of the kind of lifestyle I wanted when I "grow up." So I've been reading this book that odb recommended, Cradle To Cradle, so far it's made me feel really bad about myself but and convinced me that humans suck. It also raises the questions of whether it is possible to design things by the cradle to cradle model. I don't think it's possible for everything. Or if something is created fully cradle to cradle, it will be slightly crappy, I mean according to the current standards of products. In opinion from products I've seen, anything that is made with environmentally conscious efforts is always lacking something in the aesthetics department when compared to something that is made based purely on design principles. I don't think it has to be that way but for some reason it just doesn't look as good when it's socially responsible. I wish I could find examples but I'm at work and should be working.
For example in the past year or so I think I've graduated into a more realistic way of looking at love and relationships (i.e. what I think is fair and unfair, what I want, what I tolerate, honesty, etc.). This, in turn, affects how I live my life. Like, thinking in this way has made me more rational and mature but in turn I don't use baby talk as much, I don't go for things that are cute or wholesome, I've lost my heart. I start to think in lines, equations, things that make sense and are logical instead of thinking with emotions. I also get frustrated with myself for thinking in ways that aren't rational, I think I can never really change that part of me, I just tell it to shut up and subdue it. In a way I hate that, I hate that I've somehow broken my own heart - in the way that a horse would be broken. It no longer governs my actions, now it's my mind and adult self that tells me what to do and how to react to situations and confrontation. In some ways I miss my old self, that romantic, artistic mind. However, I am thankful that I've realized what sanity is, what logic is, what makes sense so I don't hit those all time lows like I used to. (I think I've also lost the ability to write properly for now I feel I can better express myself through an outline with my main points in bulleted lists.)
I think the inability to feel like I used to has made me really confused this time around. I wasn't really as desperately miserable, or at least not as often as I would be in previous break ups. I still think about him constantly but it's not like "I will die if he doesn't talk to me again." In reality I am sad because I don't really get what happened. Things didn't "turn sour" they just were all of a sudden. We just got off the sit and spin and stumbled off into opposite directions. I was upset he didn't want to come in my direction and maybe he was upset that I didn't want to go with him, of course I'll never know because I told him I'd let him know when I was ready to talk to him again and I don't think I ever will be ready. Of course, I say that right now but I might just need time to forget how much I like him and focus on his faults. That's how you get over someone, right?
Another thing John Mayer reminds me is that "there's no substitute for time."
So now I once again need to refocus my energy. What do I want for myself? What am I working towards in this life?
I've been thinking a lot about the environment lately. I always think about it but this time it's more of a career related "thinking." It's the only subject that has always been a constant in my life. It's kind of like music, I mean who doesn't love music, right? Who doesn't fucking love the planet? Anyway, I'm thinking of a change in career paths - not that I really had a career path before, it was more like an idea of the kind of lifestyle I wanted when I "grow up." So I've been reading this book that odb recommended, Cradle To Cradle, so far it's made me feel really bad about myself but and convinced me that humans suck. It also raises the questions of whether it is possible to design things by the cradle to cradle model. I don't think it's possible for everything. Or if something is created fully cradle to cradle, it will be slightly crappy, I mean according to the current standards of products. In opinion from products I've seen, anything that is made with environmentally conscious efforts is always lacking something in the aesthetics department when compared to something that is made based purely on design principles. I don't think it has to be that way but for some reason it just doesn't look as good when it's socially responsible. I wish I could find examples but I'm at work and should be working.
I so feel you on what your getting at with the enviromental tip. We need some serious heads working on the design principles behind that movement to make it truly appealing. Then again, years of this crappy marketing has lowered several generations' standards for that sort of thing, so maybe the leap only needs to be a hop for it to go forward.