My world is on the precipice of insanity and I really don't think there is any way I can stop it from tumbling over.
All I can really do right now is try to pack this fucking parachute as fast as possible and hope that it works the right way.
Everything is out of my hands. It feels like there are so many variables that are changing in my life right now and I don't have control over them, I don't even know the outcome of some of the things that may be changing.
Things at work are getting crazy. Business is good which means growth but personally I don't know if I am mentally and professionally capable of handling this much growth. It's a little scary, not because I think I'll fuck up. I know everyone makes mistakes but I want to be able to contribute and add something to the company so far as ideas and insight goes. I'm afraid of falling behind everyone else. The new hires have more experience in this field and I feel like I need to really step up now.
Then there are a number of friends who are going to be moving away by the end of the year. While I still have some close friends here and plenty of people to hang out with, it's just a big change that I don't want to have to deal with. Unfortunately, I know it's coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
The boy is going to San Francisco this weekend and might have interviews/meetings with possible employers. I think it's finally hit me as to what that means. Even though he keeps saying that we don't know anything for sure I feel like he is trying to ease the pain of knowing that he is going to leave.
He's the kind of person who waits to hear everything and then makes a decision about things right then and tries to run with it. I'm the kind of person who mentally plays out all possible outcomes/solutions, so naturally I've done so and come to the conclusion that we are breaking up. He always tells me that I assume things and that I should wait until I know for sure. The question is...do I want to do it now and pull the band-aid off in one quick motion or should I wait and draw this out until the very end? And then he says "what if I don't end up leaving?" Well then...we stay together? I mean do I need to think of a scenario for that one? I guess he means what if I break up with him and he doesn't leave. Well, shouldn't the answer be obvious? Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks with his heart instead of his brain.
I never really thought of myself as a control freak but I think that not having any control over things at this point is what is going to drive me into sobbing fits in the coming weeks. Or maybe I won't cry at all, maybe I'll just stress about everything and feel empty inside and not be able to sleep like I have for the past two days. There's no amount of romantic comedies that might fix me right now.
I feel like I've just broken up with someone and all I want is for that person to hold me while I cry.
All I can really do right now is try to pack this fucking parachute as fast as possible and hope that it works the right way.
Everything is out of my hands. It feels like there are so many variables that are changing in my life right now and I don't have control over them, I don't even know the outcome of some of the things that may be changing.
Things at work are getting crazy. Business is good which means growth but personally I don't know if I am mentally and professionally capable of handling this much growth. It's a little scary, not because I think I'll fuck up. I know everyone makes mistakes but I want to be able to contribute and add something to the company so far as ideas and insight goes. I'm afraid of falling behind everyone else. The new hires have more experience in this field and I feel like I need to really step up now.
Then there are a number of friends who are going to be moving away by the end of the year. While I still have some close friends here and plenty of people to hang out with, it's just a big change that I don't want to have to deal with. Unfortunately, I know it's coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
The boy is going to San Francisco this weekend and might have interviews/meetings with possible employers. I think it's finally hit me as to what that means. Even though he keeps saying that we don't know anything for sure I feel like he is trying to ease the pain of knowing that he is going to leave.
He's the kind of person who waits to hear everything and then makes a decision about things right then and tries to run with it. I'm the kind of person who mentally plays out all possible outcomes/solutions, so naturally I've done so and come to the conclusion that we are breaking up. He always tells me that I assume things and that I should wait until I know for sure. The question is...do I want to do it now and pull the band-aid off in one quick motion or should I wait and draw this out until the very end? And then he says "what if I don't end up leaving?" Well then...we stay together? I mean do I need to think of a scenario for that one? I guess he means what if I break up with him and he doesn't leave. Well, shouldn't the answer be obvious? Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks with his heart instead of his brain.
I never really thought of myself as a control freak but I think that not having any control over things at this point is what is going to drive me into sobbing fits in the coming weeks. Or maybe I won't cry at all, maybe I'll just stress about everything and feel empty inside and not be able to sleep like I have for the past two days. There's no amount of romantic comedies that might fix me right now.
I feel like I've just broken up with someone and all I want is for that person to hold me while I cry.
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As far as your job, I'm sure they hired you because you're capable. Rock that shit.