MEN.............
What a subject.......
Well, to my friends I am pretty much known for making really bad choices in this particular area. My last bf really didn't appreciate anything I did for him or made any effort whatsoever . Since then there have been a few men, lets go through them and see how we can sort things out and not make me seem uh for better words a whore....
1) Ex bf - We met at a friends party back in march sometime, it was a long distance thing and the time we spent together was good. It was just when we were apart (most of the time, me at uni up north and him down south) he didn't make any effort with me whatsoever and expected me to be the one chasing. I knew it was over one day when we went to the train station for me to leave for home, my terminal was called and he said "Well I'm not walking all the way up there too, I'm tired!". This was after he had been an arse with me when a kid walked into the side of my car when I was having a driving lesson "Well, this sort of thing happens, get over it"But when you HEAR someone thud into your car, it's not a very pleasant experience. Then he had a bad night when he went out with some friends, his friend got beat up pretty bad and it shook him up from not being able to do anything but he dragged this out for weeks and weeks and I gave him sympathy, I was there for him when he weren't there for me. I just got told to stop being so sensitive when I weren't feeling grand.
2) Mutual friend with benefits - This "relationship" has been going on since around the end of February. It's just a bit of fun here and there, we established this at the start and that's the way it has been. He said he wanted to break it off, which was fine by me as I can take it or leave it and then it was back on again within a couple of weeks. We don't see each other too often now but it definitely couldn't be anything close as I switched off those sorts of feelings for him a long time ago. It is one thing and one thing only.
3) I have an old school friend I met again at another friends party. We ended up sleeping together. He kept asking about doing it again. But I really didn''t want to. What I have with (2) is something that has been established from the start. I don't want to feel like some cheap slag.
4) Another school friend that lives in the town I'm in at uni. We get on really well and I do really like him but only as a friend. We spent a night a few weeks past just talking and lying in his bed cuddling. He likes me a little more though I think. He said goodnight to me the other night in Welsh and I didn't know what it meant, he wouldn't tell me. I googled it and it basically meant goodnight my love.
5) A friend of our little group. We talked a lot over summer and I used to like him quite a bit but that kinda wore off. He used to go out with one of my friends which has always been a bit of a turn off. But then I find out he has slept with another of the girls in our group and I don't want to be another person on his list basically. That ended that rather abruptly. That and the way he has treated one of my best mates is really cruddy.
There have been other lads that have been just like a one night snog or something and that is all it has been.
6) A really nice lad I met at the student union the other day. We chatted for a long while, him and his mate walked me home. We text a lot. We met up for a date, well I say a date we went out for drinks and his mates were there too. I didn't mind because I like to have a laugh and it was a good night. We ended up kissing and I went back to his house and we watched tv. After his friends went to bed we stayed just kissing for ages and he walked me home, we kissed a lot more and it was like kinda hard to separate and send him home lol. But since then he hasn't really spoken to me. It's shocked me because I felt it went really well and we clicked. I dunno whether he saw my scars or not. And if it was I'm sick of this crap holding me back.
I'm starting to think maybe, just maybe I am not meant to have a happy, stable relationship with someone I actually like. I'm fed up. I suffer with pretty bad mood dips but usually when I'm by myself. When I'm like that I just want to be held and actually feel loved. Wishful thinking I think! Everyone just treats me like a bit of a slag. A slag that has only ever slept with 4 people. Bloody great.......
What a subject.......
Well, to my friends I am pretty much known for making really bad choices in this particular area. My last bf really didn't appreciate anything I did for him or made any effort whatsoever . Since then there have been a few men, lets go through them and see how we can sort things out and not make me seem uh for better words a whore....
1) Ex bf - We met at a friends party back in march sometime, it was a long distance thing and the time we spent together was good. It was just when we were apart (most of the time, me at uni up north and him down south) he didn't make any effort with me whatsoever and expected me to be the one chasing. I knew it was over one day when we went to the train station for me to leave for home, my terminal was called and he said "Well I'm not walking all the way up there too, I'm tired!". This was after he had been an arse with me when a kid walked into the side of my car when I was having a driving lesson "Well, this sort of thing happens, get over it"But when you HEAR someone thud into your car, it's not a very pleasant experience. Then he had a bad night when he went out with some friends, his friend got beat up pretty bad and it shook him up from not being able to do anything but he dragged this out for weeks and weeks and I gave him sympathy, I was there for him when he weren't there for me. I just got told to stop being so sensitive when I weren't feeling grand.
2) Mutual friend with benefits - This "relationship" has been going on since around the end of February. It's just a bit of fun here and there, we established this at the start and that's the way it has been. He said he wanted to break it off, which was fine by me as I can take it or leave it and then it was back on again within a couple of weeks. We don't see each other too often now but it definitely couldn't be anything close as I switched off those sorts of feelings for him a long time ago. It is one thing and one thing only.
3) I have an old school friend I met again at another friends party. We ended up sleeping together. He kept asking about doing it again. But I really didn''t want to. What I have with (2) is something that has been established from the start. I don't want to feel like some cheap slag.
4) Another school friend that lives in the town I'm in at uni. We get on really well and I do really like him but only as a friend. We spent a night a few weeks past just talking and lying in his bed cuddling. He likes me a little more though I think. He said goodnight to me the other night in Welsh and I didn't know what it meant, he wouldn't tell me. I googled it and it basically meant goodnight my love.
5) A friend of our little group. We talked a lot over summer and I used to like him quite a bit but that kinda wore off. He used to go out with one of my friends which has always been a bit of a turn off. But then I find out he has slept with another of the girls in our group and I don't want to be another person on his list basically. That ended that rather abruptly. That and the way he has treated one of my best mates is really cruddy.
There have been other lads that have been just like a one night snog or something and that is all it has been.
6) A really nice lad I met at the student union the other day. We chatted for a long while, him and his mate walked me home. We text a lot. We met up for a date, well I say a date we went out for drinks and his mates were there too. I didn't mind because I like to have a laugh and it was a good night. We ended up kissing and I went back to his house and we watched tv. After his friends went to bed we stayed just kissing for ages and he walked me home, we kissed a lot more and it was like kinda hard to separate and send him home lol. But since then he hasn't really spoken to me. It's shocked me because I felt it went really well and we clicked. I dunno whether he saw my scars or not. And if it was I'm sick of this crap holding me back.
I'm starting to think maybe, just maybe I am not meant to have a happy, stable relationship with someone I actually like. I'm fed up. I suffer with pretty bad mood dips but usually when I'm by myself. When I'm like that I just want to be held and actually feel loved. Wishful thinking I think! Everyone just treats me like a bit of a slag. A slag that has only ever slept with 4 people. Bloody great.......
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
good to hear you had some fun too.
You are a very beautiful woman, and your post shows me you are intelligent to boot! You need higher standards, that will help weed out the losers. You are worth more than these chumps, and don't you forget it!
Good luck with it all, and I hope you eventually find someone worthy of you, that you truly love with all your heart, and who loves you back as much.