I can handle a lot of things...more things than probably most people. I've attempted to kill myself a couple times in my life. Both were when I was younger. Living with severe depression since age 12 will do that. Since then I've considered ending it all on an almost constant basis. There are more days where I think about it than there are where I don't. Even if it's for just a split second in the car with "what if I just drove over that bridge?" I've accepted this as just how I am. Will it kill me one day? Maybe. There's really no way to know.
That's only a small piece of why I know I can handle more shit than most people. You'll just have to take my word for it on the rest.
There's one thing I completely suck at handling though. Being alone. Even though I've been alone for several years, I really am bad at it. Because of that, I'm sometimes a little overwhelming as a friend. I have a tendency to smother people, or expect more from them than they're willing to give. And then, when I inevitably don't get what I'm expecting, I get upset or mad or feel like there's something wrong with me, which isn't fair to anyone.
I'm not sure exactly why I'm writing this. I guess because I release my feelings by writing them down. All I know is I'm lonely and it's not looking like that's going to change any time soon.
