When Chatters are asked about what chat was or how you and your S.O. met or whatever, it's always kinda hard to explain in a way that the person will really get it. That's because chat was really something special. A once in a lifetime place where people came together and made friendships/love connections that will last the rest of our lives.
For me, chat was a place where I was first accepted for being trans. Not a single person batted an eye when I told them, and they were the first people I told because I knew that's how it would be.
Chat was also a place where I met my best friends. It's where I met a couple of the people that I've loved more than anyone. It's why I've lived all over the country. It's helped me through the toughest times of my life. It's why I'm still alive.
Of the people I've met through chat, there have been several that I can honestly say, without any hesitation or doubt, that I truly love. Of those people, there's been only a few that I can say I would have/would have done anything for. Chelsi was one of those people. Xylah was another.
When someone we love passes away, no matter the cause, we all go through a mourning period. We all have different methods of grieving. I write down my feelings. Whatever your method, use it. Don't bottle it all up and think that you've moved on. Cry, yell, throw things, work out, go running, whatever.
When Xylah passed away, I didn't think I was going to be able to go on. I sulked for months. I pushed people away. It wasn't pretty. But, I received a reminder in the form of a gift, from a really good friend, that I was still here and there were still people that loved me.
When I found out about Chels, I left work early, heartbroken. I went home, and completely fell apart. I couldn't stop crying for a good hour+. Then, I was reminded that I was still here and people loved me. My best friend came over, bringing wine and chips, to make sure I was ok. We just laied around watching movies and sitting in 6m chat. During that time I got texts from several others telling me that they were there if I needed them, and another one of my best friends offer to leave work early and come over too.
Mourn your losses. Grieve for those you lose along the way. Talk to someone about that loss. And then, after a little time, get back up and make sure those that are there know you love them. If someone you love is going through a loss, whatever kind it is, make sure they know that you're there and you love them. Make sure they know they're not the one that is left over holding the bag, all alone.
You all are my family. I love you all...each in different ways. You all special to me. Be good. If you feel yourself slipping and thinking thoughts that might be bad, talk to someone you trust. It can save your life, like it has mine several times.
