Ok so a lot of you have noticed I'm looking a little different lately. Well, there's a reason for that. Instead of re-explaining everything I'm just going to copy what I wrote in a group I'm in. Keep in mind I wrote this about a month ago so the time line is a bit skewed. Anyway. Here it is.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Since i was young I've known there was something not quite "normal" about the way i felt inside. I ignored it for the longest time and just thought of myself as just a gentle soul. Jr high was rough, being made fun of by even my own friends, high school was better but I still pretty much kept to my small group of friends....not going to any parties...not really hanging out with anyone but the 4 of us (which happened to be myself and 3 girls). After high school I went into the Navy, got myself kicked out 9 months later (that's another story all together), and started my life over. I started buying clothes that were a bit.....tighter. I wouldn't ever wear them outside of my apartment, but when I had them on, I felt fantastic. Time went on, nothing really changed, went through a bunch of jobs,dressed up as a girl for Halloween a few times, did hair for 5 years, moved to Miami, then had a breakdown. I couldn't get over the fact that I've been depressed for pretty much my entire life. The thing is though, is that i really like me...I really do! I just HATE how I look! So, I started doing some REAL thinking about my life, my future, and what I truly want and need. I came to the conclusion that I was born into the wrong body and it needs to change or I'm never going to be happy. Even when I was in the Navy and had a six pack and was all toned I didn't like how I looked.
In the last 2 months I've decided that I'm going to slowly transition to becoming a TG. I was talking to my little sister (she's not THAT little...24 years old, and all) and somehow it came up that I was going to make a big change in my life and hadn't told anyone yet. First she guessed if I was gay. I said no. The next thing she said truly shocked me. She asked me if I feel like I was born in the wrong body and wanted to become a woman....all I could get out was "uhh.....maybe....?" Then she went on to shock me even more by telling me that it wasn't really a surprise and that the rest of my dad's side of the family kinda had an idea because of my behavior throughout my life. I just couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that she wasn't freaking out at all...I dunno
I'm now living at my mother's house while she's in Europe till the 29th. She knows that there's something that I'm keeping from her...something big that i haven't told anyone but my little sister. I texted her this past Monday and said I was ready to have the talk with her. She immediately calls me and we talk. I tell her that this is the only thing that makes me feel normal...whatever that is. She went on to say that it's ok and she still loves me and whatnot. Everything was good. 2 days later she sends me a message telling me that she's really having a hard time with it and asks if she can tell my step-father. I say that's fine and he sends me a message saying he's here for me if I need him. He's always been WAY more laid back than my mom. She also says that she "can't help but think she did this while I was growing in her womb"....All I could think was "WTF You have GOT to be kidding me!!! I mean......Seriously?!?!?" I could totally understand her thinking that maybe 30 years ago when people didn't know as much as they do now, but fuck! Anyway...
So....we're now less than a week into this and when she gets home we'll be going to a PFLAG meeting or 3 so she can do some learning and whatnot. Other than that I'm just trying to get some kind of wardrobe and finding shoes that fit my enormous feet...we'll see how it goes after she gets home. Should be interesting.
Since then things have been pretty good. We've barely talked about it all though. She ordered a couple books to read and we'll go to the PFLAG meeting in a couple weeks, but so far that's it. More updates to come.
Since i was young I've known there was something not quite "normal" about the way i felt inside. I ignored it for the longest time and just thought of myself as just a gentle soul. Jr high was rough, being made fun of by even my own friends, high school was better but I still pretty much kept to my small group of friends....not going to any parties...not really hanging out with anyone but the 4 of us (which happened to be myself and 3 girls). After high school I went into the Navy, got myself kicked out 9 months later (that's another story all together), and started my life over. I started buying clothes that were a bit.....tighter. I wouldn't ever wear them outside of my apartment, but when I had them on, I felt fantastic. Time went on, nothing really changed, went through a bunch of jobs,dressed up as a girl for Halloween a few times, did hair for 5 years, moved to Miami, then had a breakdown. I couldn't get over the fact that I've been depressed for pretty much my entire life. The thing is though, is that i really like me...I really do! I just HATE how I look! So, I started doing some REAL thinking about my life, my future, and what I truly want and need. I came to the conclusion that I was born into the wrong body and it needs to change or I'm never going to be happy. Even when I was in the Navy and had a six pack and was all toned I didn't like how I looked.
In the last 2 months I've decided that I'm going to slowly transition to becoming a TG. I was talking to my little sister (she's not THAT little...24 years old, and all) and somehow it came up that I was going to make a big change in my life and hadn't told anyone yet. First she guessed if I was gay. I said no. The next thing she said truly shocked me. She asked me if I feel like I was born in the wrong body and wanted to become a woman....all I could get out was "uhh.....maybe....?" Then she went on to shock me even more by telling me that it wasn't really a surprise and that the rest of my dad's side of the family kinda had an idea because of my behavior throughout my life. I just couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that she wasn't freaking out at all...I dunno
I'm now living at my mother's house while she's in Europe till the 29th. She knows that there's something that I'm keeping from her...something big that i haven't told anyone but my little sister. I texted her this past Monday and said I was ready to have the talk with her. She immediately calls me and we talk. I tell her that this is the only thing that makes me feel normal...whatever that is. She went on to say that it's ok and she still loves me and whatnot. Everything was good. 2 days later she sends me a message telling me that she's really having a hard time with it and asks if she can tell my step-father. I say that's fine and he sends me a message saying he's here for me if I need him. He's always been WAY more laid back than my mom. She also says that she "can't help but think she did this while I was growing in her womb"....All I could think was "WTF You have GOT to be kidding me!!! I mean......Seriously?!?!?" I could totally understand her thinking that maybe 30 years ago when people didn't know as much as they do now, but fuck! Anyway...
So....we're now less than a week into this and when she gets home we'll be going to a PFLAG meeting or 3 so she can do some learning and whatnot. Other than that I'm just trying to get some kind of wardrobe and finding shoes that fit my enormous feet...we'll see how it goes after she gets home. Should be interesting.
Since then things have been pretty good. We've barely talked about it all though. She ordered a couple books to read and we'll go to the PFLAG meeting in a couple weeks, but so far that's it. More updates to come.
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
I love you too