I'm back.
this is from a scottish hostel...
Back to Real Life
Having trouble readjusting to real life back home now that the travelling is over? Here is a few handy hints to help you settle back in:
1) Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds and every night invite random people to sleep in your bedroom with you. Ensure at least once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve.
2) Sleep in your sleeping bag, forgetting to wash it for months. Add some bugs in order to wake up with many unsightly bites over your arms and legs.
3) Enlist the help of a family member to set your radio alarm to go off randomly during the night, filling your room with loud strange voices. This works best if the radio station is foreign. Also have several mobiles ringing, without being answered. To add to the torture, ask a friend to bring plastic bags into your room at roughly 6 in the morning and proceed to rustle them for no apparent reason for a good half an hour.
4) Keep all clothes in a rucksack and remember to smell them before putting them on; reintroduce the use of the iron slowly.
5) Buy your favourite food, and despite living at home, write your name and when you might be next leaving the house on all bags. This should include mainly pasta, 2 minute noodles, carrots and beer.
6) Ask a family member to every now and again to steal an item of food, preferably the one you have been most looking forward to or the most expensive. Keep at least one piece of food far too long or in a bag out or in the sun, so you have to spend about 24 hours within sprinting distance of the toilet.
7) Even if it is a Sunday, vacate the house by 10 a.m. and then stand on the corner of the street looking lost. Ask the first passer-by of similar ethnic background if they have found anywhere good to go yet.
8 ) Finally stick paper in your shower head so that the water comes out in just a drizzle. Adjust the hot/cold taps at a regular interval so that you are never fully satisfied with the temperature. Because of this, shower infrequently.
These simple but effective instructions should help you fall back into normal society with minimum effort.
this is from a scottish hostel...
Back to Real Life
Having trouble readjusting to real life back home now that the travelling is over? Here is a few handy hints to help you settle back in:
1) Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds and every night invite random people to sleep in your bedroom with you. Ensure at least once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve.
2) Sleep in your sleeping bag, forgetting to wash it for months. Add some bugs in order to wake up with many unsightly bites over your arms and legs.
3) Enlist the help of a family member to set your radio alarm to go off randomly during the night, filling your room with loud strange voices. This works best if the radio station is foreign. Also have several mobiles ringing, without being answered. To add to the torture, ask a friend to bring plastic bags into your room at roughly 6 in the morning and proceed to rustle them for no apparent reason for a good half an hour.
4) Keep all clothes in a rucksack and remember to smell them before putting them on; reintroduce the use of the iron slowly.
5) Buy your favourite food, and despite living at home, write your name and when you might be next leaving the house on all bags. This should include mainly pasta, 2 minute noodles, carrots and beer.
6) Ask a family member to every now and again to steal an item of food, preferably the one you have been most looking forward to or the most expensive. Keep at least one piece of food far too long or in a bag out or in the sun, so you have to spend about 24 hours within sprinting distance of the toilet.
7) Even if it is a Sunday, vacate the house by 10 a.m. and then stand on the corner of the street looking lost. Ask the first passer-by of similar ethnic background if they have found anywhere good to go yet.
8 ) Finally stick paper in your shower head so that the water comes out in just a drizzle. Adjust the hot/cold taps at a regular interval so that you are never fully satisfied with the temperature. Because of this, shower infrequently.
These simple but effective instructions should help you fall back into normal society with minimum effort.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
ayres:
Scary scary scary.
pissed:
I HEART your profile pick! I used to play that arcade game when i was a kid 