From this months Esquire: What Ive Learned
George Clooney:
I keep thinking, now that every single human being on earth has a camera phone, where are all those UFO pictures? Remember you used to see those pictures. Some guy just happened to have a Polaroid when the UFOs appeared? Either it was all bullshit, or my theory is that the Martians have decided, Dont go down there, man. All those fuckers have cameras now.
Joe Biden:
After my first wife and daughter were killed, my boys were banged up badly, and I had those aneurysms that didnt give me a big chance of living, my dad sent me a little three-paneled cartoon: Hagar the Horrible. I still have it on my desk. Hagar is in his Viking boat with his horn helmet, rowing away when a bolt of lightning comes out of the sky. Hagar get charred. He looks up at heaven and says, Why me, God? And God comes back with, Why not?
My dad used to say, You know youre a success when you look at your kids and realize they turned out better than you. I am a success. But I should have had one Republican who wanted to be an investment banker and make a lot of money so that when they put me in a home, I get a window with a view.
Gary Oldman:
Acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances. An acting teacher told me that.
A few years ago, my mother asked what Id like for my birthday. I had enough socks, slipper and ties. So I said, I dont know, get me a ukulele. It kind of fell from the sky into my head. And she got it for me. I started playing it and now my kids are into it. So weve gone ukulear in the house.
John Oates:
If you can see light at the end of the tunnel, youre still in the fucking tunnel.
Jeffrey Tambor:
My first agent called me Hot Ticket, and I thought that was great. Hey, Hot Ticket! Until I realized he had no idea what my name is. Thats why he called me Hot Ticket.
Did you know that Orson Welles had a jazz band on the set of Citizen Kane? I guess his lesson was if youre reinventing the wheel, youve got to be in a good mood.
Charlie Murphy:
Right now, scientists in Japan have developed new meats thats made from shit. Theyre going to put it on the market. This is serious. You can Google it. Bloomberg it, man. The Poop Burger. What they found is you can take human waste and break it down. You can separate the protein. Then mix it with chemicals to make it nutritious and everything. And its made of shit. The point Im making is: Who do you think theyre going to be feeding that to? You think rich people are going to be eating the Poop Burger?
George Clooney:
I keep thinking, now that every single human being on earth has a camera phone, where are all those UFO pictures? Remember you used to see those pictures. Some guy just happened to have a Polaroid when the UFOs appeared? Either it was all bullshit, or my theory is that the Martians have decided, Dont go down there, man. All those fuckers have cameras now.
Joe Biden:
After my first wife and daughter were killed, my boys were banged up badly, and I had those aneurysms that didnt give me a big chance of living, my dad sent me a little three-paneled cartoon: Hagar the Horrible. I still have it on my desk. Hagar is in his Viking boat with his horn helmet, rowing away when a bolt of lightning comes out of the sky. Hagar get charred. He looks up at heaven and says, Why me, God? And God comes back with, Why not?
My dad used to say, You know youre a success when you look at your kids and realize they turned out better than you. I am a success. But I should have had one Republican who wanted to be an investment banker and make a lot of money so that when they put me in a home, I get a window with a view.
Gary Oldman:
Acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances. An acting teacher told me that.
A few years ago, my mother asked what Id like for my birthday. I had enough socks, slipper and ties. So I said, I dont know, get me a ukulele. It kind of fell from the sky into my head. And she got it for me. I started playing it and now my kids are into it. So weve gone ukulear in the house.
John Oates:
If you can see light at the end of the tunnel, youre still in the fucking tunnel.
Jeffrey Tambor:
My first agent called me Hot Ticket, and I thought that was great. Hey, Hot Ticket! Until I realized he had no idea what my name is. Thats why he called me Hot Ticket.
Did you know that Orson Welles had a jazz band on the set of Citizen Kane? I guess his lesson was if youre reinventing the wheel, youve got to be in a good mood.
Charlie Murphy:
Right now, scientists in Japan have developed new meats thats made from shit. Theyre going to put it on the market. This is serious. You can Google it. Bloomberg it, man. The Poop Burger. What they found is you can take human waste and break it down. You can separate the protein. Then mix it with chemicals to make it nutritious and everything. And its made of shit. The point Im making is: Who do you think theyre going to be feeding that to? You think rich people are going to be eating the Poop Burger?
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
briscoe:
awwww, thanks hon! 
tourniquette: