knawmean

I talked myself out of going to a Halloween party tonight. I told myself I 'd be scared with all those people I didn't know hanging around. What the hell is wrong with me. I feel so helpless around other people I can't function properly.

She was going to be there, too. The one I met at school. The one who may be perfect. I...
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I found a beautiful, intelligent woman with a great sense of humor at school. It's amazing how you can see someone every day and not realize how perfect she is. I wish I had a chance with her. She's seeing someone else and probably wouldn't give me a chance if she wasn't.

People say I always want what I can't have. If I met this...
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I had a bizarre dream last night. I drempt I was trying to get my soul back from someone. I don't know who it was or why he or she had my soul, but I was about to get it out of a public mailbox when I woke up. Does that mean I didn't get it back? Is my soul in jepardy? Why was it...
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When someone important to you dies, it's very difficult not to define youself by that persons death. I don't think I'm handling this very well.

pizza

I feel like I'm alone.
When I make love to her, I feel I'm alone.
When I'm with my friends, I'm alone.
When I'm with my family, alone
Am I alone?

School suck, but at least I have something to do.

I haven't written anything in almost a month. About ten minutes after I posted my last journal entry, I got a call from my grandmother telling me that my uncle had died of a massive heart attack. I'm still trying to make sense of the whole thing. He seemed to be healthy. But, he had a smoking habbit, so he died at 38.

He was...
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sometimes I just don't understand myself. My recalcitrance has limits which boggle my mind. Every time I have a job I eventually end up telling my boss to fuck off, yet in school I always want to be liked by the instructors and staff. What the fuck is wrong with me. I can't believe how much of a kiss ass I can be in some...
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What an ordeal. I my room mate canceled our internet access without telling me and it took me almost three weeks to get something hooked up again. I think I was actually going through withdrawls. No internet. I felt like such a savage.

But it's all beter now. I feel like my old self again. Though I should probably spend less time on the internet...
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