kludog

ok, i guess i need to play nicely by pretending that life is swell. i hate my masochistic tendencies, i feel pretty much alone in my thinking or maybe others just dont care because these things do not apply to them, i have been sooo self absorbed. sometimes all is goin well , then bam, it hits me, i am not wanted in the way i want. my ex asked me what i wanted once, i wasnt sure then, but now i am, i want to be wanted. i want to want someone. i want to understand as well as be understood. that is a tall order i know i am picky.
i am impatient, a lousy lay, and i probably prefer being alone due to the lack of expectations. i also am very afraid. my ideals are shit, ppl (to include myself) are shit, sex is shit. art is shit, music is shit, in a nutshell everything is shit!!! wounds dont heal. the world is sick, and it needs to heal. we wonder why the world is sick? because we made it that way with our cynicism. we have battered each other so badly that we have become accoustomed to it. i want to help others heal, maybe i will volunteer some of my time to work somewhere ppl need me.