Impulse. What a shitty thing. Impulse is the reason I've been in a rather unpleasant mood the past couple of days. Ugh.
I got a new cell phone two days ago. The one I had before was three years old. It wasn't great or anything, but it did the job. I just felt like getting a new cell phone. The new one has already worn off its shiny. It makes me cranky. And, because of this little impulse buy... I had to come to the startling realization that I probably probably am not going to be able to get that tattoo I've been wanting - the one I said I'd get myself for my birthday. Because, in balancing my checkbook to see just exactly where this new purchase would leave me, I was horrified to learn that impulse buys (largely of eat-out dinners and frivolous stuffs at the grocery store and such) had whittled down the $800 bonus I got recently to, literally, not a damn thing.
I wish some blame could rest on my best friend, who I have been waiting on to deliver my tattoo design, but frankly, I can't. I know how unreliable he can be when it comes to this sort of thing (there were years when I would say that the only thing you could count on him to do is to let you down), and I should have known that I wouldn't get that design until the end of the summer, or later, despite the fact that he's *had* the damn thing in his possession for two months now. It's just too much trouble to, you know, get it too me.
But I can't blame it on him, because that's how he is, and I knew that, and I should have been keeping that in mind. I should have been watching my finances better. It's just upsetting.
And, the other thing that has been stewing me up has possibly been a year in coming. Stupidly, I got involved with a good friend of mine, who I had once dated for a few months in high school. We'd remained friends all these years, but I hadn't realized that he had developed a desire to sleep with me that he wasn't communicating. Well of course he wasn't. I was involved with his best friend, and then the guy that would become my ex-husband. But once I was single again, he told me, and I told him it would never happen, only to sleep with him twice a few months later on horny, lonely impulse. A week after that, the man who would become my boyfriend hit on me, and I was strangely genuinely attracted to him. I explained my feelings to my friend, my confusion, my own desires, and he shrugged, telling me he'd have liked to give a relationship a try, but he was ok if we just had that fling.
Well, he lied. I started dating my boyfriend, and my friend got pissy. And now, apparently, he's still pissy a year later, though I could swore that I had talked with him about it, and that he and I had managed to reconcile something, and that he'd moved on. But now I have two other friends whom I trust implicitly telling me that that isn't the case, and that any friendship I had with the gentleman is fairly gone - he just puts on a good face when I'm around to not make waves.
I know I should talk to him, but I'm so upset and pissed off by this asshole, I can't imagine what I would do or say. I can't help but think that he would only lie to me again, and that I'd have to deal with him (whom I do not trust to tell me the truth anyway) telling me one thing, and having people that I trust tell me another thing. I wish I could just say "Fuck the bastard, it's his own fucking fault that things are like this" but... it feels hard to let go. It feels like we've been friends for ages, or for the only amount of time that counts, and it hurts me to think that I was so stupid and blind that I let all that skulk away, just because I make bad, wild, impulse decisions.
And now I must distract you from my raging Emo moment with The Cheat porn:
I got a new cell phone two days ago. The one I had before was three years old. It wasn't great or anything, but it did the job. I just felt like getting a new cell phone. The new one has already worn off its shiny. It makes me cranky. And, because of this little impulse buy... I had to come to the startling realization that I probably probably am not going to be able to get that tattoo I've been wanting - the one I said I'd get myself for my birthday. Because, in balancing my checkbook to see just exactly where this new purchase would leave me, I was horrified to learn that impulse buys (largely of eat-out dinners and frivolous stuffs at the grocery store and such) had whittled down the $800 bonus I got recently to, literally, not a damn thing.
I wish some blame could rest on my best friend, who I have been waiting on to deliver my tattoo design, but frankly, I can't. I know how unreliable he can be when it comes to this sort of thing (there were years when I would say that the only thing you could count on him to do is to let you down), and I should have known that I wouldn't get that design until the end of the summer, or later, despite the fact that he's *had* the damn thing in his possession for two months now. It's just too much trouble to, you know, get it too me.
But I can't blame it on him, because that's how he is, and I knew that, and I should have been keeping that in mind. I should have been watching my finances better. It's just upsetting.
And, the other thing that has been stewing me up has possibly been a year in coming. Stupidly, I got involved with a good friend of mine, who I had once dated for a few months in high school. We'd remained friends all these years, but I hadn't realized that he had developed a desire to sleep with me that he wasn't communicating. Well of course he wasn't. I was involved with his best friend, and then the guy that would become my ex-husband. But once I was single again, he told me, and I told him it would never happen, only to sleep with him twice a few months later on horny, lonely impulse. A week after that, the man who would become my boyfriend hit on me, and I was strangely genuinely attracted to him. I explained my feelings to my friend, my confusion, my own desires, and he shrugged, telling me he'd have liked to give a relationship a try, but he was ok if we just had that fling.
Well, he lied. I started dating my boyfriend, and my friend got pissy. And now, apparently, he's still pissy a year later, though I could swore that I had talked with him about it, and that he and I had managed to reconcile something, and that he'd moved on. But now I have two other friends whom I trust implicitly telling me that that isn't the case, and that any friendship I had with the gentleman is fairly gone - he just puts on a good face when I'm around to not make waves.
I know I should talk to him, but I'm so upset and pissed off by this asshole, I can't imagine what I would do or say. I can't help but think that he would only lie to me again, and that I'd have to deal with him (whom I do not trust to tell me the truth anyway) telling me one thing, and having people that I trust tell me another thing. I wish I could just say "Fuck the bastard, it's his own fucking fault that things are like this" but... it feels hard to let go. It feels like we've been friends for ages, or for the only amount of time that counts, and it hurts me to think that I was so stupid and blind that I let all that skulk away, just because I make bad, wild, impulse decisions.
And now I must distract you from my raging Emo moment with The Cheat porn:
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
tattoo delays on the other hand are just not cool at all. although I think I'm about to have one (and oddly enough, buying artwork will be the probable cause of this delay. curses!)
as for your friend, others have said better things more eloquently than I could, so I'll not muddy the waters with crap advice.