klaudeman

Lately there have been alot on my mind. For starters, nothing and I mean nothing seems to go right for me. Nothing seems to work in my favor. I am in my 40's now and I have nothing to show for it. I have a car, but no house, no wife, no kids, no savings. For that, I have nobody to blame but myself. There are things I could have done differently sure but I couldn't have known the outcome at the time for what I have found out later.

I have not been in a relationship in my whole life. I was raised pretty strict and for that I have always been a bit shy. I have made great strides in the last 5 years with that but nothing has come of it. I have had one true love in my life but things never worked out to allow that to happen. We were best friends and she alway had another guy. I have never been one to state my feelings especially when there is another guy involved. I don't think it is right to make an advance on "someone else's" girlfriend. She came to visit me along time ago when she was seeing this jerk. She left and went back home to Florida when she ended up getting married. I later found out that if I had said something when she came to visit she would have never went back. Probably my only regret in life. It hurt so much to talk that with our varying schedules, I eventually lost contact with her. A bad thing on my part and not fair to her. Because it hurt me to talk to her I basically stopped talking to her. Since then there have been a few women that I would have liked to know better. However, all they could see me as was just friends. I don't know what it is about me that I seem to only be "friend" material. I am used to it though. I think my biggest problem is that I don't seem to be attracted to anyone near my age. Maybe this is because I don't know too many people my age. All I work with, are friends with, etc are much younger than me. Does this qualify me as a "pervert" cause I like younger women? That is the feeling I get.

So, I am working on a few things and making some changes this year. The big one is that I am moving to Florida hopefully in July. My best friend needs me. She is stuck there living with her baby-daddy's folks while her son is living with the father. She went down there to be with a guy and well he treated her like crap so now she is stuck. I have know her for about 8 years now and I feel like one of the reasons I am around is to help her out. She has always needed me and maybe I help her out cause it makes me feel good and that I am doing something good with my life. I am also hoping to try and regain the friendship with my old friend I lost contact with. Who knows what might happen but I won't know unless I try, right?

Well, if you made it this far, I really appreciate you sticking with my long blog and reading my "rant". I will try to make these few and far between and instead post blogs of nicer things... like pictures of some amazing people on here. There are a few!

Thanks for being such amazing people!