ok, so here's my thoughts on current boycrush...I am damned confused, and yet not. There are so many outside forces at work within our relationship (and none are meant maliciously...we have both just gone through some shit in our lives- him a lot worse than me). It becomes hard when 2 people have thier own personal fears/isues with relationships, yet connect on an incredible level beyond what one might have ever hoped for in each other. I find myself committed to him despite our own sense of committmentphobia. Intersetingly, I do not care for the standard labels between us, it is much more the sense of emotion connecting us.
Have you ever found yourself (not) in a relationship in defineable terms and yet for all intents and purposes, you are as one. And how do you watch a younger person grow thorugh their own issues, without sitting back and saying out loud all that their actions mean?! I find myself so confident these days knowing that even though he expresses a need to self improve/grow, and worries that he ought not to be involved so as not to hurt/destroy our lifelong friendship, when do you realize that he has not quite connected what I do not ever want to lose you as a friend really means and how long til he connects the dots, so to speak?!
I am generally SO horrible at relationships, and so not trusting. Here I find myself knowing he wont do anything I would be upset about, it's just funny cause I see the (inner) turmoil which I generally choose to avoid in relationships, as in I avoid them all together and here is this beautiful, communicative person that has fear jump in the way, which I am notorious for bolting due to stupid male fears, and here I sit, so comfortable knowing that even when those fears creep up for him, they are worries about his own life and fucking up, and not due to me or his feelings for me. Crap, if Dave_h were here, he would laugh as I predicted the craziness of my connection to the boy early on, and couldn't figure out what to do!
As always, I take my first route, I have a fantastic time with him and that is all that matters! Fuck me for finally falling for someone worth while!
Have you ever found yourself (not) in a relationship in defineable terms and yet for all intents and purposes, you are as one. And how do you watch a younger person grow thorugh their own issues, without sitting back and saying out loud all that their actions mean?! I find myself so confident these days knowing that even though he expresses a need to self improve/grow, and worries that he ought not to be involved so as not to hurt/destroy our lifelong friendship, when do you realize that he has not quite connected what I do not ever want to lose you as a friend really means and how long til he connects the dots, so to speak?!
I am generally SO horrible at relationships, and so not trusting. Here I find myself knowing he wont do anything I would be upset about, it's just funny cause I see the (inner) turmoil which I generally choose to avoid in relationships, as in I avoid them all together and here is this beautiful, communicative person that has fear jump in the way, which I am notorious for bolting due to stupid male fears, and here I sit, so comfortable knowing that even when those fears creep up for him, they are worries about his own life and fucking up, and not due to me or his feelings for me. Crap, if Dave_h were here, he would laugh as I predicted the craziness of my connection to the boy early on, and couldn't figure out what to do!
As always, I take my first route, I have a fantastic time with him and that is all that matters! Fuck me for finally falling for someone worth while!
