I just wrote the shittiest email ever, and while I stand by everything I said (but more tactfully put), I don't know how well I'm going to cope with the possible consequences (ie, losing a friendship I hoped would be fantastic given time, but feels like it's just drifting apart and deteriorating). I had such high hopes, and of course, there's always my pride 
I'm meant to be balanced enough that over time I can re-establish a connection with someone, and I'm meant to be able to judge that I'm not going to get rejected by someone I used to have a really strong connection with. I'm meant to be certain enough of myself after 2 years, that I shouldn't get outrageously hurt by anything he says or does. I was wrong. I honestly feel like that I've been found not worthy of putting the effort into regaining our friendship (which may be due to my old position being filled), and I'm still hurting from the idea. It sucks when someone shits all over something you still thought was a bit special.
I wrote it because I'm tired of feeling like I'm reaching out, and getting nothing of value in return. I'm tired of feeling like when everything turned to shit, I was the one taking care of his emotions, while trying to deal with a whole lot of my own shit on my own, and that level of care and respect definitely hasn't been returned. And I'm tired of explaining to Blaine that I really want this friendship to work, no matter what he thinks, and what it's costing me, and the two of us together.
Maybe friendships with exes don't work.
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My self worth is too tied up in you still. Tell me in plain english what your current perceptions of our past relationship are, and don't forget to look over the first 18 months, before writing it off as stupid and stressful just because it was open. The bad stuff in our relationship happened when we weren't even officially together, as I recall.
Tell me whether you want to actually be friends, or if you only have the attention span to fill out a forwarded quiz occasionally.
Tell me if you can be bothered opening up and being the mirror that i mentioned in my last email.
Tell me if there's anything at all that you haven't found someone to better me at.
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fuck I'm insecure.
I'm meant to be balanced enough that over time I can re-establish a connection with someone, and I'm meant to be able to judge that I'm not going to get rejected by someone I used to have a really strong connection with. I'm meant to be certain enough of myself after 2 years, that I shouldn't get outrageously hurt by anything he says or does. I was wrong. I honestly feel like that I've been found not worthy of putting the effort into regaining our friendship (which may be due to my old position being filled), and I'm still hurting from the idea. It sucks when someone shits all over something you still thought was a bit special.
I wrote it because I'm tired of feeling like I'm reaching out, and getting nothing of value in return. I'm tired of feeling like when everything turned to shit, I was the one taking care of his emotions, while trying to deal with a whole lot of my own shit on my own, and that level of care and respect definitely hasn't been returned. And I'm tired of explaining to Blaine that I really want this friendship to work, no matter what he thinks, and what it's costing me, and the two of us together.
Maybe friendships with exes don't work.
***************************************************
My self worth is too tied up in you still. Tell me in plain english what your current perceptions of our past relationship are, and don't forget to look over the first 18 months, before writing it off as stupid and stressful just because it was open. The bad stuff in our relationship happened when we weren't even officially together, as I recall.
Tell me whether you want to actually be friends, or if you only have the attention span to fill out a forwarded quiz occasionally.
Tell me if you can be bothered opening up and being the mirror that i mentioned in my last email.
Tell me if there's anything at all that you haven't found someone to better me at.
***************************************************
fuck I'm insecure.