kittykatznme

You know days like today are made for a bottle of lorazapam and a 40 of vodka. In my quest for some human contact, I have made someone think I was a stalker. I know sometimes i want too much too fast, but i am just so lonely these days. it gets worse when Jen is ready to give up on life, especially if her cataracts cause her to go blind. she needs to see to read lips because she is 60% deaf. She wants to see a grief counselor, i am trying to be strong, but today i am just losing my shit altogether. i know that it is supposed to be about helping Jen get through this, but i have started to lose hope. Lose hope in her getting better, losing hope in my ability to deal with this, and losing my faith. When Jen was diagnosed with the cataracts, and her reaction to possibly losing her sight, what the fuck is next!!! what the fuck did i do to deserve this????? Why is this happening to Jen, the kindest, sweetest person I know? Why does it take me so long to find the love of my life only to lose her? I have lost her in the sense that she cannot come up the stairs to stay with me, she stays downstairs with her parents, and that is also driving her crazy. it is not good for her health, or mine. And on top of all this, we still need a doctors note clearing her for sexual activity, and if she actually gets the heart transplant, who knows how long it will be?