kittiesuicide

man I feel so numb. I found out tonight that someone I knew when I was younger killed himself yesterday. So many thougths are running thru my head and then theres the stupid emotions.
I guess it really reminds me of how my uncle comitted suicide two months ago. Man that was a shock. But I guess they always are. I really do miss my uncle even though we werent close. He never even knew I existed until two years ago, we were so much alike that the thought of that scares me. Part of me just doesnt believe that he did it, especially with the circumstances. I never thought that he would do it, he was always so happy, maybe thats only when I was around.
Even though I used to feel suicidal when I was younger I now just can't comprehend why someone would do it. Especially Dean (the one from yesterday). He has three fucking children and a wife. It just goes beyond me how he could do it to them. And then what kind of guilt he would've felt if he hadnt have succeeded too!

Argh, there's just so much stuff I wanna express but I cant. It's all stuck