kitschy

ok, so posting about how stressed and bored I am seems really lame. I don't know how I can be those two things at once anyway,

Thank you all very much though for the support and empathy!

Today is Easter Friday. This means very little to me, other than I get the day off of school. WOO-HOO! This too feels lame. Apparently I have heathen guilt. It probably stems from the fact that I went to catholic school for grades 1 and 2, so these holidays once had meaning and order, even if I was never catholic. I think it also stems from the fact that I feel separated from the larger society. People at school talking about what they gave up for Lent, or how full their weekends will be with church. I'm not jealous or longing, but I do wish I had more religious education, so at least I knew what people were talking about.

And to a degree, I miss the sense of ritual, tradition. Though my mother went to church when she was growing up, I hardly ever went (except for catholic school). She has always felt guilty about this. I do not, as when I went later with friends, I never liked church or youth group. Creepy, is what I thought, but then that probably has a lot to do with the specific church.

Anyway, back to tradition... While church was not normally a part of our easter, easter baskets were. I love getting and making easter baskets. For the first three years Idjiit and I were together I made him easter baskets. He received them like, "Um, okay, thanks..." He gladly ate the candy, but he never got it, he never seemed enthused, and he certainly never made me one. I did explain how this was a tradition in my family, one I really liked... But it has died. I've given it up. No more. I doubt he'll miss it, but I will.