So ya, he popped the question....why is it that when you've got something good someone always has to mess it up!?!? 
He was my oldest friends as well as one of my best friends. And he's the only one of 2 people in my life that ever stuck around long ennough to get to know me. He didn't run away when I fell apart, but helped me put all my pieces back in one place and then together again. He was my rock, but I'll never be able to love him the way he needs, another woman will love him better than I am capable of.
There was money involved, why do even great people fall to the lust for more when they already have too much? I should be there for him now, but all the BS is getting in the way and it hurts him too mcuh. Even if I'll never trust him again I want to help him put the pieces of himself back together again, I owe him that much.
"Approach the world with open hands and you will find love; but the moment you make a fist to clutch it, love will get away"
He was my oldest friends as well as one of my best friends. And he's the only one of 2 people in my life that ever stuck around long ennough to get to know me. He didn't run away when I fell apart, but helped me put all my pieces back in one place and then together again. He was my rock, but I'll never be able to love him the way he needs, another woman will love him better than I am capable of.
There was money involved, why do even great people fall to the lust for more when they already have too much? I should be there for him now, but all the BS is getting in the way and it hurts him too mcuh. Even if I'll never trust him again I want to help him put the pieces of himself back together again, I owe him that much.
"Approach the world with open hands and you will find love; but the moment you make a fist to clutch it, love will get away"
You have a lot to handle. I wish you the best, and hope you keep it together and continue making the right decisions, because you are making the right ones. It takes a big person to see clearly and stay firm when someone so close isn't, and speaking from similar experience, you are doing the best thing for him.
It's obvious from your last couple of journal entries that you're a good person, don't lose sight of that when things get tough.