kirria

Another journal entry today - you all should feel lucky?!?!

I guess i'm just in the mood to vent who knows? But tomorrow is D-Day I see him - i've gone a week and a half without seeing him and tomorrow all i'm going to want to do is throw my arms around him and tell him how much i've missed him. The sad part I know he'll push me away because that's what he needs to do - it's the only way that anyone can cope wiith this situation.

I'm guessing you may need some background history ... so we have me, we then have my fiance, relationship over has been for awhile we've just been cruising along cause it's easier than ending things. I then click with a guy at work - I say click because we had been working together for 4 mths and then all of a sudden it was us against the world. Problem? He is married and not in a position to leave right now - so what does one do? We do everything but fuck and fall in love we also become the best of friends and all of a sudden I get it - i'm in love with my best friend and this is why it's so different to anything else i've experienced. He is amazing, he is beautiful, he's not mine to have. So when it's get to much for him to handle, he pushes me away we throw it into the 'if its meant to be it can be again category' and we sit and wait and yet have made the agreement to stay the best of friends because we can't imagine life without the other. My question now is - how can I be so close to him and yet not reach out?

So now reading all of that and I have to say it feels good to get it out - do you now understand why I fear tomorrow the day that I hope never comes.

And i'll end this with Seether lyrics ..

i wanted you to know i love the way you laugh
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
i keep your photograph i know it serves me well
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'cause i'm broken when i'm open
and i don't feel like i am strong enough
'cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel light when you're gone away
the worst is over now and we can breathe again
i wanna hold u high and steal your pain
there's so much left to learn & no one left to fight
i wanna hold u high & steal ur pain
'cause im broken when im open
and i dont feel like i am strong enough
'cause im broken when im lonesome
and i dont feel right when you're gone away
'cause im broken when im open
and i dont feel like i am strong enough
'cause im broken when im lonesome
and i dont feel light when you're gone away

Until tomorrow ...