kirin_ka

So crazyness is happening in my life. I might be moving away from dear ol' The OC. I don't know when or where yet, I am going to be in the process of figuring it out in the next few weeks. I will still be here for my birthday, and possbily up until Christmas. I might be moving back to Sacramento, I might be moving to Oregon for a bit, I might be going crazy. I am kinda in the process of having a nervous breakdown, or atleast what I would term as a "nervous breakdown". I finally confronted my dad today about how all the pressure my family is putting on me has finally gotten to me and I am slowly going insane. I am so lost and confused right now that it may be some time before I ever find myself. Truth be known, everything that is happening is most likely my fault anyways, or that just may be my self-destructive, self-punishing, self-pitying self putting myself down once again. So ya, basically, I'm fucked up.

I think it is funny how I am more open, honest, and willing to spill all to my friends than I am with my family. That is what I will be trying to fix in the near future, so that my distant future will be that much more enjoyable.

Sorry about the long entry, but I felt I should explain why I have not been on here as much as I used to be, and to explain why I might not be on as much in the future. Also to explain that I may not be in The OC anymore. Sad day this is for me when I realize I will lose the closeness I once had for all those down here that I love. But on the bright side, none of you have seen me much recently anyways, so it won't be much of a difference.

I would say something cheesy like, "We have months to hang out before I leave, and I may not be leaving at all". But the truth is, no we don't. The possibilty that I will be going away is about 90%. So, I'll try to hang out as much as possible, but like I said it will be some time before I go, maybe.