kirin_ka

I have an issue with being tied down, figuretivly. If I ever feel bound I freak out. I need to be free. This is why I am so bad in relationships and probably won't ever get married. So I apologize in advance for not inviting you to the wedding I'll never have.

Even though I care about someone, and I think about them a lot, I can't ever turn back because of my fear of not being free. Sometimes that feeling of loss will overcome my fear of being bound, but then it will revert back to the fear. Sometimes I can't really control it, sometimes I can. I feel bad because my fucked up issues hurt people, and I wish I could change it, or get over it, but at the moment I can't and don't know how. I used to boast about how I change every few months, that I was never solid, and can conform to almost anything. I realize now that it is my fear that keeps me changing, never the same. If I am the same I am bound to that one setting. That's why I do spontatneous stuff, like shave my head except for a mohawk, which I'll probably shave off tomorrow. So I'm just thinking I should become a monk, I would say priest, but I don't have a thing for little boys.