kinnie

Mmm, drinking instant coffee at 2 am in the morning with almost 3 (?) feet of snow outside and Melissa Ferrick playing in the background.
I checked out some good books from the library, and that always makes me feel good. I'm already halfway through Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates. Wow, it's just so weird! It's written from the perspective of a serial killer, but... I dunno, it's weird because he's not painted as an evil character. It's like you're thinking the thoughts with him.
I wish I had some meaningful friendships with people here, but it all seems so superficial, like everyone's competing to get ahead. I find that I spend a lot of time isolated in my room on the computer. So I'm thinking of taking a year off before college. It just came to me today. I think I'd actually really be able to appreciate that, and explore new avenues when I'm not stressing out about writing papers. Plus, maybe I'll find a little direction in my life. Maybe I'll intern at the Farm Sanctuary or travel. That would be fun. I just need to do something where I don't have to fucking ANALYZE everything all the time. I feel like I'm drowning in my own thoughts, like my brain's constantly moving and observing and I don't feel connected to the earth at all anymore. I used to feel passionate about specific issues, but lately I just feel so apathetic about everything, as though my actions don't affect anyone but me. I guess I just feel so unproductive, like all this education is merely going to benefit me. I'm so glad I'm working at the animal shelter this term... I miss dogs so much, and I love being able to provide some extra help in socializing and exercising them. It just feels so suffocating to be around HUMANS all the time, who feel the need to talk and talk and talk until I end up just tuning out and then struggling to think of an appropiate response.

ok, no more whining...