Confused. Unsure of what to say. That is what I am feeling right now. I was contacted by someone from my "distant" past on my guestbook on my webpage. She basically is just saying hello. She is the daughter of my mom's best friend in the Philippines. I would write to her back in college, we corresponded for like 2-3 years, but I intentionally tried to not get close or attached because of the distance, and then back in 2000 I met her. She had a boyfriend at the time though, but I still tried to develop some kind of relationship. Then I got burned and stopped contacting her. I know her parents and my parents were trying to get us married off too. I know because my mom explicitly stated that. So what do I say? And why all of a sudden is she contacting me, 6 years later?
Which brings me to another thought that has been haunting me, about someone different. Is it normal to think about and wish you could still be together with the first person you've "loved"? She was everything I wasn't looking for but I fell for her hard. She is 7 years older than me, she smokes, and she has a kid, and she lives way far way, an hour west of NYC. Those things were absolute no-no's before her. No other woman made me feel as special as she did. No one accepted me as a whole and I really felt she didn't care that I wasn't the most handsome guy or the most muscular, didn't care about how much I made or what my job was, and she really liked me for how I made her feel.
Our "relationship" ended back in July, but it just faded out, there was never a "sorry, our relationship is over." Things got difficult with her, I got discouraged, and she stopped contacting me. I think about shooting her an e-mail or calling her, but I would be scared to be rejected by her. I know contacting her would do more harm than good but what if she is waiting for me to say something to her? Maybe she's scared that I might be angry with her?
I know I need to stay away from her and move on with my life, that she is just not the right woman for me, but part of me doesn't want to do that. Part of me wants that feeling of connection, of being close, and of being accepted, wrong or right.
Am I normal to be having these feelings and thoughts?
Which brings me to another thought that has been haunting me, about someone different. Is it normal to think about and wish you could still be together with the first person you've "loved"? She was everything I wasn't looking for but I fell for her hard. She is 7 years older than me, she smokes, and she has a kid, and she lives way far way, an hour west of NYC. Those things were absolute no-no's before her. No other woman made me feel as special as she did. No one accepted me as a whole and I really felt she didn't care that I wasn't the most handsome guy or the most muscular, didn't care about how much I made or what my job was, and she really liked me for how I made her feel.
Our "relationship" ended back in July, but it just faded out, there was never a "sorry, our relationship is over." Things got difficult with her, I got discouraged, and she stopped contacting me. I think about shooting her an e-mail or calling her, but I would be scared to be rejected by her. I know contacting her would do more harm than good but what if she is waiting for me to say something to her? Maybe she's scared that I might be angry with her?
I know I need to stay away from her and move on with my life, that she is just not the right woman for me, but part of me doesn't want to do that. Part of me wants that feeling of connection, of being close, and of being accepted, wrong or right.
Am I normal to be having these feelings and thoughts?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
aliana:
yeah i know that somthing needs to change..talking about it is what sucks. i know that the changes would be good...but its just hard to bring that kind of thing up ...and yeah lamb of god...my boyfriend told me his band used to play with them before they changed their name to lamb of god. cool stuff.
rushl:
UGH! Relationship feelings! I have been married for 6 years and still have them about past things... If you feel like you want to contact her, give it a shot. There is nothing worse then not having closure on an issue. If she doesn't write back, or writes back negatively, then even though it sucks, it is sitll closure. And who knows. She may write back, and you could be the one to think... Ummm Nope! Good luck with what you choose, and hope something works out for you either way. You seem to be a great guy, and good things come to those who wait 
