Well the visit with Tina last week didn't go as planned. Just when things were getting hot and heavy, she had an anxiety attack. To me it seems almost like an asthma attack, but she says her Dr. says it's heart related. So I did my best to keep her calm and cool. I rubbed her back as she was trying to catch her breath between coughs. After an hour or so she calmed down and I wound up falling asleep, I think it was kinda early. Anyway, I woke up at 3 and decided to get online. I thought Tina was asleep and needed the rest.
Jackie woke up around 6:30 to get ready for work and I was hoping Tina wouldn't wake up and come out. Luckily, that wasn't the case. Finally around 9:30 or so, she called up for me. Little did I know she was basically up the whole time too. At least she was feeling better and I went out to get her breakfast. We did wind up laying back down and messing around a little. I just wanted to be careful especially in light of what happened the night before. It was the 2nd time that she's had an attack like that with me. I just wish she could see another Dr. and find out exactly what is going on.
So after that she got online because the computer where she is staying at isn't working right. She wound up being online for a few hours while I entertained myself with a couple games of Madden. By then it was getting close to 4:30 and I wanted to get online in case Cindy popped up. Tina hung out for a bit and then said she was going downstairs to take care of some business. Well, call me fucking clueless, but I had no idea she was up for play. I was pretty much hypnotised by the computer. And quite honestly, I was a little un-nerved worrying if she was going to be OK or not. By that time it was almost time for her to leave so I gave her a ride down to catch her bus.
It really was a strange experience the whole visit really. Yes, she's my friend, but I really had a feeling of emptiness. Outside of sex, there's just not really much in common. It just leaves me questioning why I even bother. Same goes for Margaret. I want that connection, but it just isn't there. I'm just a mess as usual and probaly doing waaaaaay to much thinking again. Times like this I almost wish I was in a relationship. Actually, I just wish it were possible to be with Cindy right now. Then again, I'm holding onto something that may never even come to be. And how could it even be possible to meet someone new while she is there. "Well, I am in love with someone, but only in dreams". Such a complexity this digital affair is.
I'm just down on myself again. Wondering just what the hell is wrong with me. Hell, even my fellow fatty Andy met the most awesome girl in the world. Then again, he is 10 years younger than me. I have two strikes against me. Not only being a fat fuck, but an old one at that. I was told by someone who shall remain nameless I should only seek women near my own age. To me age is but a number. I've been attracted to 18 year olds as well as women in their 50's. And no, I'm not talking just physical. Artists should be with artists and I'm a sucker for a poet, musician, painter, writer, etc. I'm just sick of apologizing and I'm sick of being judged. Guess this shit works in Hollywood or if you're loaded with money. Never thought I'd be considered a dirty old man.
Ah well, enough of the philosophical bullshit, Cindy is on the phone and I'm feeling better already...
Jackie woke up around 6:30 to get ready for work and I was hoping Tina wouldn't wake up and come out. Luckily, that wasn't the case. Finally around 9:30 or so, she called up for me. Little did I know she was basically up the whole time too. At least she was feeling better and I went out to get her breakfast. We did wind up laying back down and messing around a little. I just wanted to be careful especially in light of what happened the night before. It was the 2nd time that she's had an attack like that with me. I just wish she could see another Dr. and find out exactly what is going on.
So after that she got online because the computer where she is staying at isn't working right. She wound up being online for a few hours while I entertained myself with a couple games of Madden. By then it was getting close to 4:30 and I wanted to get online in case Cindy popped up. Tina hung out for a bit and then said she was going downstairs to take care of some business. Well, call me fucking clueless, but I had no idea she was up for play. I was pretty much hypnotised by the computer. And quite honestly, I was a little un-nerved worrying if she was going to be OK or not. By that time it was almost time for her to leave so I gave her a ride down to catch her bus.
It really was a strange experience the whole visit really. Yes, she's my friend, but I really had a feeling of emptiness. Outside of sex, there's just not really much in common. It just leaves me questioning why I even bother. Same goes for Margaret. I want that connection, but it just isn't there. I'm just a mess as usual and probaly doing waaaaaay to much thinking again. Times like this I almost wish I was in a relationship. Actually, I just wish it were possible to be with Cindy right now. Then again, I'm holding onto something that may never even come to be. And how could it even be possible to meet someone new while she is there. "Well, I am in love with someone, but only in dreams". Such a complexity this digital affair is.
I'm just down on myself again. Wondering just what the hell is wrong with me. Hell, even my fellow fatty Andy met the most awesome girl in the world. Then again, he is 10 years younger than me. I have two strikes against me. Not only being a fat fuck, but an old one at that. I was told by someone who shall remain nameless I should only seek women near my own age. To me age is but a number. I've been attracted to 18 year olds as well as women in their 50's. And no, I'm not talking just physical. Artists should be with artists and I'm a sucker for a poet, musician, painter, writer, etc. I'm just sick of apologizing and I'm sick of being judged. Guess this shit works in Hollywood or if you're loaded with money. Never thought I'd be considered a dirty old man.
Ah well, enough of the philosophical bullshit, Cindy is on the phone and I'm feeling better already...
smiles