kingly

Well yesterday I did wind up making a short shopping trip for a new address book and more Xmas cards. It took while just to put all the addresses and phone numbers in the new book. I had them everywhere. Some written down on business cards in my wallet, others on scraps of paper or post it notes stuck in an envelope, others in the old falling apart address book. I even got emotional seeing friends that have passed on like Sonja and Lena. Also old friends who just fell by the wayside. Anyway, they're all organized in one book now.

I probaly haven't mailed Xmas cards in well over 10 years. I really have no excuse. I just hated not feeling Xmas-y every time. Maybe seeing "A Xmas Carol" had something to do with it as well. So I sat there and faithfully filled out the cards. Cards for old friends, the local lunatics, the lost family. It took hours but was well worth it. There must be 30 cards sitting in the mailbox ready to go. I haven't felt content like this in a long time.

I did approach my sister Jackie concerning the lost family. She had a strong reaction, almost the same opinion I share. We were the kids, where were they when our parents died? She has no desire to try to rekindle any connections with them. I still want to but won't bother. I sat there for the longest time wanting to write personal notes to my aunt and 2 cousins who sent the cards. But I really didn't know what to say. We're all like strangers. I'm afraid I'll be judged not only for my appearance but still living here with Jackie. The boundries I set up are hard to break. It's rather safe in this shell anyway. But as you can tell I do think about this a lot.