I have come to a milestone in my life.
Today my mother goes in for major surgury, which is the first time I have found myself stuck in a corner worrying about something I can't control. REALLY worrying. Even with my father's passing I wasn't this cornered because Ma was there and I made her my priority in getting through the event. But Ma is the only one left now... The thought that *something* could happen is overpowering. I have no one I can deflect the emotions with.
I'm already playing the 'I should have...', 'the last time I saw her', 'I'm a bad person because...' game.
Dammit. I am human.
Fuck.
15 years of perfectly good deception down the drain.
Today my mother goes in for major surgury, which is the first time I have found myself stuck in a corner worrying about something I can't control. REALLY worrying. Even with my father's passing I wasn't this cornered because Ma was there and I made her my priority in getting through the event. But Ma is the only one left now... The thought that *something* could happen is overpowering. I have no one I can deflect the emotions with.
I'm already playing the 'I should have...', 'the last time I saw her', 'I'm a bad person because...' game.
Dammit. I am human.
Fuck.
15 years of perfectly good deception down the drain.