"Fucking for fear of not wanting to fear again"
Long weekend. I've been in some sort of a band for the last ten years - and for the last ten years, no matter what was going on outside of it, half my brain was always on some element of the band; be it set lists, promotion, recording, and so on. To make a long story short, i had to disengage myslef from being in bands - in part for my relationship, and in part for myself. I love my fiancee, and i realized that she deserves more of my attention than i am able to provide when my head is in a band. That's just how i am. I can't not invest myself in a band.
I guess where this is going is that I've been going to a lot of local shows lately and seeing some marvelous local bands; Thunder in the Valley, Best Friends Forever, Action vs Action, and so on. And i am fucking going nuts. Bands like these get that addict itch going up and down my spine, my teeth start grinding and i just want to plug in and have a seizure; fingers bleeding and sweat pouring and screaming my lungs out.
I have one of two experiences with local music.
1. "Wow these guys are amazing. God, i wish i had a band going so we could play a few gigs with them."
2. "Wow these guys are yak shit. If i had a band going, we'd be playing all over this town."
Either way, it's getting harder and harder to come to grips with not being an active musician.
Working on your own (like in the studio) can only get you so far, before you start to miss that symbiosis of working with other people - feeding off each other's energy, guiding each other, challenging each other...
And yet, it's freeing to not have to worry about anyone else - questions like "Can we pull this off live? What will Johnny Bassist think of this? Does this work in our band? Can we even play this?" become obselete. This morning I had this spontaneous burt of creativity. I'm not a religious person, but i sat down and shouted out an evangelical gospel song that sounded like something Nick cave would write and wayne coyne would sing. An hour later - when i was done - i was like, "Where the fuck did that come from?" I was shouting and screaming and clapping like a fucking baptist being filled with the spirit. It was a stylistic exploration that i had never experienced and would never dream of bringing it to any of the bands i've been in. It may just sit on the shelf.
I know i won't be out of a band forever, and though the waiting drags like 4:00-6:00 am, i know there is fun to be had in the meantime.
Peace and Rock Music in Everybody's Headphones
-O
Long weekend. I've been in some sort of a band for the last ten years - and for the last ten years, no matter what was going on outside of it, half my brain was always on some element of the band; be it set lists, promotion, recording, and so on. To make a long story short, i had to disengage myslef from being in bands - in part for my relationship, and in part for myself. I love my fiancee, and i realized that she deserves more of my attention than i am able to provide when my head is in a band. That's just how i am. I can't not invest myself in a band.
I guess where this is going is that I've been going to a lot of local shows lately and seeing some marvelous local bands; Thunder in the Valley, Best Friends Forever, Action vs Action, and so on. And i am fucking going nuts. Bands like these get that addict itch going up and down my spine, my teeth start grinding and i just want to plug in and have a seizure; fingers bleeding and sweat pouring and screaming my lungs out.
I have one of two experiences with local music.
1. "Wow these guys are amazing. God, i wish i had a band going so we could play a few gigs with them."
2. "Wow these guys are yak shit. If i had a band going, we'd be playing all over this town."
Either way, it's getting harder and harder to come to grips with not being an active musician.
Working on your own (like in the studio) can only get you so far, before you start to miss that symbiosis of working with other people - feeding off each other's energy, guiding each other, challenging each other...
And yet, it's freeing to not have to worry about anyone else - questions like "Can we pull this off live? What will Johnny Bassist think of this? Does this work in our band? Can we even play this?" become obselete. This morning I had this spontaneous burt of creativity. I'm not a religious person, but i sat down and shouted out an evangelical gospel song that sounded like something Nick cave would write and wayne coyne would sing. An hour later - when i was done - i was like, "Where the fuck did that come from?" I was shouting and screaming and clapping like a fucking baptist being filled with the spirit. It was a stylistic exploration that i had never experienced and would never dream of bringing it to any of the bands i've been in. It may just sit on the shelf.
I know i won't be out of a band forever, and though the waiting drags like 4:00-6:00 am, i know there is fun to be had in the meantime.
Peace and Rock Music in Everybody's Headphones
-O