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kid_hideous

trying so hard to forget

Member Since 2007

Followers 263 Following 363

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Thursday Mar 24, 2011

Mar 24, 2011
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So, I've been looking over my SG blog today. All of it. Ever since I joined way back in ought-6.

And my god does it raise up a strange roiling maelstrom of feelings.

My last blog post was almost exactly a year ago, announcing what was then my newest publication. There have been more since but I'll try to get to them in a future post. If such a thing happens.

Looking back at those blogs I feel saddened in a lot of ways. First because I realize that at the time I was part of a small but surprisingly vibrant little world of SGers. And now I'm not. Most of those who commented on my blogs, and with whom I PM'd and chatted and grouped with, are gone now. Accounts inactive, deleted, no more. And I find myself missing them.

I also find myself missing the person who wrote all those blogs. I don't really write all that much anymore. At least not with the creativity and passion and verve as that guy did. I hardly get the time to think about writing anymore, actually. I'm busy stillactually, even more than I was thenbut my god have I changed.

And that, also, is kind of saddening. Because I often don't think I have changed. But there it is, the evidence, as plain as day. My blog acting as a kind of diary, showing me the face I used to wear. The thoughts it thought and the things it wrote so energetically, so absorbed in the task of writing, of chronicling itselfa task I never seem to get around to these days. It's partially a simple change in aesthetics, a preference for visual art over written, and a preference, when I do write, for restraint and thoughtfulness over lush imagery and dense wordplay.

But looking back on that writing, I'm impressed. Possibly in the way an experienced editor is impressed by the juvenalia of a fledgling poet, but impressed nonetheless. Impressed, and aware of an inability to write that way anymore.

God I'm being maudlin. Perhaps it's just the monsoon outside.

In any case, if you're out there, lost friends, and kid_hideous of almost five years ago: I miss you. More than I ever would have imagined.

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