alright my tender lumplings, my fellow pervs and poets, beloved unmet friends, beautiful ladies and handsome gents...it has come to that time in every writer's life when he must contemplate self-publication.
this is not, yet, for my poetry (though a certain devious plan in that vein is slowly but surely taking shape in my dank, dark little basement of a brain), but for my erotica. My more perceptive readers might remember that I once offered a PDF version of three of my tales to anyone who'd like it (and the offer is still open), but now I'm both expanding the book and contemplating different avenues of publishing. As many of you may know, lulu.com offers a wonderful print-on-demand service and I'm thinking of using them to disseminate my smutty little brainwaves.
and here's where all of you come in. first, if any of you be artists (and I know some of you do be, indeed), I really need a cover image and/or images for various stories. if you've read any of them, you probably have an idea of what would work, but anything sexy, dirty, erotic, pervy, pornographic will do just fine. contributors will of course receive credit, and hey, people will SEE your hideously beautiful progeny!
second, i need to know if anyone will want it - i'm sure download will be free but it would be nice to get a few hard copies out into the physical world (i know, strange to say, but I still value the good old sensual percept, the book)? would anyone be willing to pay the price of a pack of cigarettes for my words?
apropos to all this, i'm probably going to take down most of smutty tales (assuming, of course, that that's possible).
and, just for variety's sake, here's a few "Celebrity Neologisms" I wrote last night. while drunk.
Ry Cooder - a sarcastic twat; or a yeast-infected poon, the consumption of which occasionally results in intense hallucinatory visions.
Paris Hilton - a "ritzy" hotel to which American tourists bring their French prostitutes in order to film gonzo porn, which is then shown at 'movie nights' to 'friends' in order to provoke feelings of inadequacy and envy in the aforementioned.
George Bush - a cavernous pussy, reserved only for those of truly Grand Canyon-esque proportions. Often called 'dub-ya' because of its tendency to produce pussy-farts which sound eerily like echoes of recorded human speech.
John Ashcroft - a bathroom in which veritable fields of available ass flourish; or, any
item created through the cunning manipulation of anal muscles
Condaleeza Rice - the grainy particulate found in any condom the morning after a particularly sleazy hook-up.
Hillary Clinton - an almost mountainous, incredibly weighty clitoris.
Britney Spears - French cocks, renowned for their "Oops, I did it again" look, generally given after each premature ejaculation.
and a new one:
Dick Cheney a peculiar fetish for leading men around with chains wrapped around the heads of their dicks. Its peculiarity lays not so much in the act itself as in that it is generally practiced by two ostensibly heterosexual males.
this is not, yet, for my poetry (though a certain devious plan in that vein is slowly but surely taking shape in my dank, dark little basement of a brain), but for my erotica. My more perceptive readers might remember that I once offered a PDF version of three of my tales to anyone who'd like it (and the offer is still open), but now I'm both expanding the book and contemplating different avenues of publishing. As many of you may know, lulu.com offers a wonderful print-on-demand service and I'm thinking of using them to disseminate my smutty little brainwaves.
and here's where all of you come in. first, if any of you be artists (and I know some of you do be, indeed), I really need a cover image and/or images for various stories. if you've read any of them, you probably have an idea of what would work, but anything sexy, dirty, erotic, pervy, pornographic will do just fine. contributors will of course receive credit, and hey, people will SEE your hideously beautiful progeny!
second, i need to know if anyone will want it - i'm sure download will be free but it would be nice to get a few hard copies out into the physical world (i know, strange to say, but I still value the good old sensual percept, the book)? would anyone be willing to pay the price of a pack of cigarettes for my words?
apropos to all this, i'm probably going to take down most of smutty tales (assuming, of course, that that's possible).
and, just for variety's sake, here's a few "Celebrity Neologisms" I wrote last night. while drunk.
Ry Cooder - a sarcastic twat; or a yeast-infected poon, the consumption of which occasionally results in intense hallucinatory visions.
Paris Hilton - a "ritzy" hotel to which American tourists bring their French prostitutes in order to film gonzo porn, which is then shown at 'movie nights' to 'friends' in order to provoke feelings of inadequacy and envy in the aforementioned.
George Bush - a cavernous pussy, reserved only for those of truly Grand Canyon-esque proportions. Often called 'dub-ya' because of its tendency to produce pussy-farts which sound eerily like echoes of recorded human speech.
John Ashcroft - a bathroom in which veritable fields of available ass flourish; or, any
item created through the cunning manipulation of anal muscles
Condaleeza Rice - the grainy particulate found in any condom the morning after a particularly sleazy hook-up.
Hillary Clinton - an almost mountainous, incredibly weighty clitoris.
Britney Spears - French cocks, renowned for their "Oops, I did it again" look, generally given after each premature ejaculation.
and a new one:
Dick Cheney a peculiar fetish for leading men around with chains wrapped around the heads of their dicks. Its peculiarity lays not so much in the act itself as in that it is generally practiced by two ostensibly heterosexual males.
VIEW 25 of 57 COMMENTS
lolliepop:
thank you sweet pea. I was heating a bottle of milk for him in a jug and was stood behind him and he just grabbed for it which hes obviously never done before 
iso:
hahaa. thanks! I think my hubby found it super cute too, unfortunately he also found it super hysterical and kept teasing me all day.