kickinglovers

I wish I could stop looking, I know it will only turn me into knots. You know it. I am jealous as all hell. I am trying to settle. But it just won't happen. It shouldve been my place.. It will never be my place. Oh happy with love.. I regret to inform you my heart is a vast broken shell of china sitting in my stomach. you. With every breath-blood spots. With every sigh a tear. I hurt, we hurt...you.. where are we now? Where do we go from here or is it the end of everything? It feels like the end of everything. I'm too ashamed to call you, to write or even leave a brief message, shameful, regretful.. angry, bitter; Empty. You. Why do I need you so much my heart hurts? My head aches because I think you could make it all better.. Without the fighting.. without the tears.. That isn't us. There is no us and it kills me. You. I am being stabbed in the chest by a two foot midget right now, poignantly bouncing on the sofa towards me with a foot long carving knife.. over and over. Always you, seen within my eyes, I can taste your kiss upon my tongue like pain. A constant throbbing migraine. I just wish this hadn't happened. I no longer wish to cause confusion. So I am the silent party, I dress at night and keep my hands by my side. You won't see me watching in the dark, my eyes are closed to cry.
Fingers press into my back without hesitation... 'Shut up' I hear muttered behind my head. I fall.
I'm upset because I only ever cried over your shoulder.
I am too selfish.



For a less Blah entry please refer to the entry before this.