With everything breeds confusion. A mounting debt of despair blocks any path to salvation; where hope lies in wait under piles of coats thrown in from the party. I stood in the doorway of my life and watching the fairground attractions spinning past my face, I shouldn't look back, nor regret these things but I harbour sufferage like back pain.
A last resort, the morning after my head is blurry and my mouth tastes of cotton. A pill, a bittersweet candy-like pill. Shaped of a heart, so pink, so cute. So high. Whoever knew it could be dealt with this way? Regaining some kind of sanity through illegal medication. So many years since I tried to irradicate the pain with these, it did the trick effortlessly.
Cured with hope for the future in the moment or so.. I have decided to apply for a college/uni course along with a trusted friend. Away from home.. Something to motivate and spark attention, some kind of flickering light to burn in the hope of reclaiming L I F E.
Now what do you think about that...?
I also made a decision to return to my medication for a while, in the hope of aiding both my sleep and my thoughts. They are upsetting my body a little. I've thrown up a few times the last couple of days. Meh..
~The sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me: Travelled two hours in the evening on a train method, whilst I was working, unknown to myself.. to arrive in this town with an apology for making me sad. Much nicer than roses.
~One of the funniest memories: Making a dance/singing routine to Trapped in a box. Planning to put the performance on in the local gay pub in Bristol. Many hours of laughter, such a brilliant song.
~Favourite No Doubt song: Trapped in a box/spiderweb
---
A last resort, the morning after my head is blurry and my mouth tastes of cotton. A pill, a bittersweet candy-like pill. Shaped of a heart, so pink, so cute. So high. Whoever knew it could be dealt with this way? Regaining some kind of sanity through illegal medication. So many years since I tried to irradicate the pain with these, it did the trick effortlessly.
Cured with hope for the future in the moment or so.. I have decided to apply for a college/uni course along with a trusted friend. Away from home.. Something to motivate and spark attention, some kind of flickering light to burn in the hope of reclaiming L I F E.
Now what do you think about that...?
I also made a decision to return to my medication for a while, in the hope of aiding both my sleep and my thoughts. They are upsetting my body a little. I've thrown up a few times the last couple of days. Meh..
~The sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me: Travelled two hours in the evening on a train method, whilst I was working, unknown to myself.. to arrive in this town with an apology for making me sad. Much nicer than roses.
~One of the funniest memories: Making a dance/singing routine to Trapped in a box. Planning to put the performance on in the local gay pub in Bristol. Many hours of laughter, such a brilliant song.
~Favourite No Doubt song: Trapped in a box/spiderweb
---
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Kisses
College sounds like a great idea! What are you planning on studying?
What medication are you on?
Would that have been the Queen's Shilling? (just guessing that one as it is the most obvious choice, although there are plenty of others to choose from). I remember the time when I was out on a works night and one of my work colleagues, who happened to be gay, was attempting to persuade everyone to go on a gay pub crawl. No one seemed to be very interested and he seemed a bit disappointed, so I thought I'd go along with him. He then proceeded to drag me on the quickest pub crawl I've been on. Everytime we went in a pub, I got a drink, start to imbibe it only to have my gay mate declare that "Oh, its dead in here, let's go somewhere else". I am not sure if maybe he was hoping to bump into someone in particular but he just wouldn't stay anywhere for long and I began to find it rather annoying that I couldn't just sit down and have my drink. I ended up attempting to smuggle about three bottles of beer in and out of various pubs. Also, mildly irritating was the fact that as we went into each gay pub, my mate insisted on introducing me to people as "Mark who was a bit nervous about coming to a gay pub but don't you worry Mark you are safe with me". The thing is, I hadn't been in the slightest bit nervous (having gone through a bisexual phase in my teens) and it was really embarrassing to have all those people thinking I was some kind of ignorant homophobe but since my gay mate was drunk and feeling overprotective it just couldn't be helped!