kickinglovers

We peel our sexualities like mandarin skin at breakfast. Changing our faces to suit the places we rest.
I'm through with the masks, they jus hurt my ears, seeing you just brought me to tears.
I cried and I cried till my face lost feeling,
till I felt my veins stop bleeding.
Only the tears were so see-through, like my face when I met you.
No one can see them now, till death and I break like glass.
Shattering over
the floor, bleeding feet and more.
I died today, don't take the blame.
It was inevitable.


The chafing of burnt skin rubs the back of my hands like gloves made of thistle. My time left me and faded into a spec in the future recently. So we parted our sorry ways and headed for that comfort place, the place we know no one will want anything. They don't know the code on the door. And why would they? They don't see us anymore. So my heart drags behind me like a puppy on a leash, biting and pulling away. Bad Dog. Blind dog. Seeing eye dog. And my heart is in my throat, a lump which prevents me from speaking, that familiar nervous jump in my stomach twitches like a cat fast asleep - dreaming of things unsettling.




(((Ani Difranco was spectacular. Just as I thought she would be.. Lexi yes.. Very very funny. I didnt even always hear what she said but I knew it would have been something funny. I think I'd like to put her in my pocket now and run off, I have quite a crush. Unlike some live artists her voice never faltered,
However - She didn't notice me. I told you my outfit was shit, maybe my face.. time to start saving for a new one.)))
-I have new shoes - Pink and black *Hensley The Gamber: By Duffs. They are adorable..

I left this weekend to come home from my relationship ending. I hadn't had time to grieve. So I am numb. Then.

I came home to a death tonight. A friend my of my mothers, whom my father grew up with died of cancer. I haven't known anyone close to me die before. Niave I suppose. Everything happened this weekend, to prove a point and poke me in the eye. Maybe just to throw fucking soft mints at me Fucking Nazi Shellsuits.


You just don't know.


how can I go home
with nothing to say
I know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time

you are a china shop
and I am a bull
you are really good food
and I am full
I guess everything is timing
I guess everything's been said
so I am coming home with an empty head

you'll say did they love you or what
I'll say they love what I do
the only one who really loves me is you
and you'll say girl did you kick some butt
and I'll say I don't really remember
but my fingers are sore
and my voice is too

you'll say it's really good to see you
you'll say I missed you horribly
you'll say let me carry that
give that to me
and you will take the heavy stuff
and you will drive the car
and I'll look out the window making jokes
about the way things are

how can I go home
with nothing to say
I know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time



I am in pieces. Bitty and distorted. Everyone has taken a piece of me this weekend. I just hope they are returned in tact. Yet I am so much more alone than ever, because I choose to be.