khiddo

{Selena}

I've had the best week in the history of my life.

I suffer from depression. I like to describe it as being like an unexpected house guest. It shows up when you least expect it and stays way past it's welcome. I've been at my lowest point so often in the last year and have been gradually getting back to center over the last few months. I probably wouldn't have gotten so bad if i'd just taken meds but I refuse. I will not be medicated for something I know is controlable.

So back from that tangent.

The fight and wait has been worth it. I've come out on the other side, probably still not in the clear, alive and feeling nearly satisfied.

Besides all the external awesomeness that have been goings on I've relaxed. I thnk i've finally learned to relax. this morning i woke up after being a little "overly intoxicated" and for the first time didnt fight what felt right. I got up, smoked, went to the computer and started doing what ever and it lead me to start my first painting in photoshop.

I keep wanting to say i will post some or continue the process but the one thing this morning showed me was if i just do... instead of plan... i'll get more done. Just go with it.

Last night was my company christmas part. I have really relaxed at work too. Less bothers me and i'm just there, not anticipating not worrying not taking everything so seriously, realizing that if somethign goes wrong i'll live and that has allowed me to create some of the best design work i've ever made.

Yeah, I think i'll just go with the flow - haha - thinking is like the opposite of go with the flow but i guess if your brain is working you are technically thinking eh?

OH back to the party - we all got presents at the end of the night and i cried like a little girl. yeesh. We all ripped off the wrapping very quickly but i was stuck after a single tear. The white box. the well designed icons. It was an iPad. Now for some strange reason the things i never think i want are things i get and i find they are exactly what i want. I looked at stacston and his eyes were fixated and in shock too so at least i know i wasnt the only one. Looking up definetly reassured that. I'm working with a great set of people and we may not be big, we may not be perfect but we get it done and we get it done together.

On a mushy note: Stacston and I are closer than i think we have ever been and relaxing is making all sorts of doors open up. It's a fun ride. hA OH shit.... LOL no pun intended.

And now. .. Back to Photoshop.