kenyon

ok, so i'm off whitecastle cheeseburgers (you guys totally set me straight on that), back on klonopin (which is actually very good for me)

i feel like explaining my life and how i ended up where i am and how i got so old

but it would take a book and just an excerpt would be weird out of context - o the stories i could tell

the affairs, the stages in different towns, the true love, the worst betrayals, the hospitals, the husband, the gurneys, writing poems about it all

then realizing those poems weren't about the subjects i thought i was writing about; they were all guised testaments to a larger theme

i'd tell you what the theme was but if i could just state it plainly then what was i writing all those poems for

anyway it has something to do with winning is not what we're bred to think it is

i like writing this way, it's fun an pretentious

what the fuck happened to my twenties
i appreciate many of you but i relate to few of you
though i try try

i thought my propensity for envy steeled itself long ago
yeah right

james baldwin, an old art teacher of mine met you at a party
when she told me this, after you had died, i was so jealous

somebody tell me how loooooooooooooooong
this train's been gone