@bloghomework that i was actually pretty scared to right; honestly because this year has been so tough that i was being surrounded in negativity and it was eating me up.
In some cases, it still is but i think it'd actually seriously benefit me to sit here no matter how long it takes and write this and mean it.
I am thankful for more than i actually think. Or atleast more than i was previously willing to say.
1. Getting a diagnosis finally, even though it isn't a pleasant one; emotionally unstable personality disorder. I think it sounds a bit more dark than it is, its dramatic and its hard to deal with but its a diagnosis, meaning the right sort of medication and hopefully long term the right sort of treatment.
2. Making the mistake that made my best friend and the guy i love learn to appreciate me and look after me and support me the way i need, admittedly he messes up but so do all men
3. Meeting the right contacts and being able to work with some amazing photographers in the industry and produced awesome work like below :)
I could attach so much more but i think you get the idea, been a fun time! lots of new experiences and i cant upload some due to wanting to submit to publications.
4. Finally giving up on my family, some families work some families are close; some want to do things together, some are caring and want to be supportive of their kids and some are thankful that at 18 they are not legally obliged to house or give a fuck about them. Mine sign the bill for things when they need to but certainly never try for a relationship or try to be understanding or supportive, they put me in a house share thats drained me mentally, made me worse, and i have finally come to terms with having total assholes for parents. I'd rather have no money and a family that acts like they even like me or wanna spend time with me than someone who signs the bill basically just a guarantor lol. Still, better to have tried until i was 22 than feel bad when i am old like i didn't try for long enough, fuck off will i spend my life trying to be good enough for people who can't help me other than just chuck me 20quid here and there. - may not sound like something to be thankful for but trust me it is, i probably will never truly give up on them, you don't get 2 sets of parents (usually) i wont anyway and as much as i hate how they are i will still hate it when they go but for now at least i am definitely done and thankful for it!
5. Learning that being nicer really does catch more flys like mum always said, honey catches more than salt ever will! I have learnt to be more calm, sweeter and in all honesty just try to deal with everyday dramas and not let it end my world everyday! It makes me thankful that friends this year and just learning over time has made me change my attitude entirely.
6. Having the support of people on here, knowing things i have done and standing by me promoting me, and my work, liking things commenting, it all adds up and without it i wouldn't necessarily quit but would be much harder to get out of bed everyday haha! You guys always make me feel thankful!
7. I realised i need to spend time modelling and getting my head right, then consider going back to uni and i am thankful to have the support financially that i have and will continue to get from people i know and the Government to ensure i get treatment, the right kind & can find a safe place of my own to live and whatnot. Without the council i would be screwed atm so as little as they like to help most people i need to stick at it and they will help me eventually I'm sure!
8. I am thankful that i still have a roof over my head when at this time of year there is an overwhelming number of homeless people on the planet surviving and not surviving. I may be feeling poverty as i am constantly skint but i am not IN poverty and for that i am grateful and thankful!
9. I am thankful that i still have the appetite, i know people often lose it when they get depressed, as much as i hate i have gained weight i would rather gain what i can lose over time than lose a lot in a short time and be more ill (than i already am) for it!
10. I have learnt and lost this year, i am merely thankful that those i need i still have in my life, those that weren't necessary have slowly made themselves known for different reasons and i am done with them, like those encouraging me to drink all week and go out all the time not focus on a career or those things i should be prioritising
11. I so wish i could be thankful for world peace
12. I am thankful for my pooch mona, literally the cutest thing and makes me so happy!
13. I am definitely thankful for my Goddaughter Ebony-louise. The bubbliest angel to ever grace this earth and I'm obsessed with her! I cannot wait to go the zoo with her. She is just amazing and makes me happy when i am sad, i love spending time with her and even when she cries i am so calm and i love how calm she makes me!
14. I am thankful for Malteasors, yum munching them right about NOW
15. I am thankful for sleeping tablets, struggled to sleep for a long time but they help ALOT meaning i at least get a solid 6hours. NEEDED
16. Even though i cannot work i am still healthier than some so i can be thankful that at least the car crashes i have had haven't killed me and have only left me with the torn disc and ciatica
17. That my mums hysterectomy earlier this year was a success, she's a bitch who i will never see eye to eye with but i dont want her unhealthy let alone dead so i am thankful for that.
18. That even though i am going to be homeless again this Christmas i have afew people willing to care about me and give me somewhere to stay :)
Cannot think of too much else, so going to leave it there.
I hope you enjoy the read as much as it took me to right it, being positive helps and i need to more often, so i think i will probably make this a regular blog topic.
MUCHO LOVE <3
xxx
