It seems unfortunate that i am ill alone using money i need to get a bedsit/room/flat whatever to stay in a b&b tonight.
I want to be ill in my bed at my parents house. Using the term my parents loosely there i might add
They have based our relationship on money for so long that even i get carried away with money, i want to be nothing like them and need to move out to continue pursuing my career dreams without feeling this down in the dumps, this not good enough version of me.
Honestly, they have made most of the big decisions in my life for me whether that be through blatant disregard of my wants, reverse psychology, manipulating me into wanting what they want, or just making decisions before i even knew until it was too late.
I have tried for too long not to begrudge them for the things they've done and said when they lash out and in all honesty half the time i deserved a good telling off slap on the thigh whatever but I'm 21 and feeling this low in my own home feeling like its not even your home anymore, having to stay in a hotel spending money you don't have to get away from it as i have no other choice.
I have tried talking to them making the effort, its not good enough when i do cos we have no similar interests and they don't care to hear about my day, dare i make a noise in the kitchen i just hear sighs and 'jesus christ' blablabla its awkward honestly they make simple tasks a total chore. Constant death stares and why should i make any effort with them if they can't with me other than to give me money?!
Fuck this shit!
Blue weekend -_-
Definitely going to follow this up with a more cheerful blog. I really do not wanna be this anxious klutz anymore its a habit that needs to stop! Anyone in Northamptonshire who wants a roommate who can twerk, joke and smoke with the best of them please let me know LOL (but seriously!)
