kelpie_

Maybe the reds and greys are so loved by me because of my pull toward mourning - toward Fall. The smoke has at last cleared; I can smell the stinging frost in the morning and get chills from touching my window with my fingertips.
"Press my nose up to the glass around your heart."

My time has been well-spent in a play between sleep, work, and reading. There's been a filthy game between laughing and crying some nights, though. I've been happy-spending time with my family and reveling in their faces, contact, and just their presence.
One night this past week there was a sudden and violent pain and illness that errupted the moment I left my home to go to work. Thank gods for good coworkers, because someone quickly came to relieve me, and I am not sure how I managed to drive the few blocks home. I remember lying on my bathroom tiles, which I wished so much were cold--my head throbbing viciously and my gut turning. I was hysterical-sobbing and twisting. I managed to crawl into the kitchen and find the Vicodin I had left over from my surgery, then found sleep. The news spread the next morning of 'Smoke Sickness' plaguing many, who were flooding the ER. Turns out I got lucky.
This is the smoke in our valley. The latter is our constant view of the sun. It was like living on Tatooine during a sand storm.



Things have slowed down with my set and I see how far it's been pushed back, but there's a peace with that--I don't have to obsess at all anymore. I will leave it up for a good contrast between my work, old and new.
Fan Service still is something I am proud of <3 and I see a few of you give more love still, each day. You have each made this fruitless journey worth it. Well, fruitless isn't entirely true--as far as friendships go, I didn't know I could feel so accepted and treasured by so many people who have seen me bare nude.
How do you express thankfulness to a group of people who have made your every physical insecurity melt into a point of pride? You have all changed my outlook on myself--even if I never make it to the elite group of models here, how fucking awesome is that?




I'm honestly terrified for my next set. There are some amazing photos in it, and I worry that with how amazing that it is, that somehow it won't be loved. But, I will continue to pridefully make myself vulnerable to you, at least as long as I can keep it up.

December 5th, if you've forgotten.

Today I am older, and have gained another level, this time with a boost in XP and some sweet loot. Many of you have sent sweet, loving messages, and I have to thank you so much for that.

Until I see you next, enjoy your season change; I'll be enjoying mine.