kelland

Another summer day that doesn't end.



I have been absent for good reason.

My life, in a few short words, has been surreal lately.

I will devulge you all in the morning. I'm sorry you all hate me for not doing it now.

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Well, it's technically not morning. But I suppose my update shall begin now. If I put it off any longer, the intenseness of the entry might overwhelm you to an undesirable extent. Anyway. Here goes.

The last time I wrote, it was the day before my sister's birthday. She had a decent 20th birthday. She got some Batman merchandise, CDs, and clothing from my parents and I took her out to lunch. All in all a nice day. That day I got flowers at work as a going-away present (the following week I was going to the mock government thing at a college university). We went to the park. We went for a stroll. The next morning I went out of town with my sister and friend/co-worker Kati and we went shopping and out to eat to further Shannon's birthday celebration. Everything was fine and dandy like cotton candy. But Saturday morning. That's when the shit hit the fan.

You see, I took a week-long pre-paid ACT prep-course at the high school. I got every morning the week before the ACT and went to school for three hours attempting to absorb knowledge and technique to improve my ACT score. Saturday morning was the test. I felt prepared and confident. The test began at 7:30. I woke up the next morning to a nightmare of light flooding into my room. I knew in an instant that it was well past 7:30 and that my alarm never went off. I missed the test. It was 8:15. No late attendees permitted. I was fucked. Not knowing what else to do, I bawled. I cried so hard I started coughing. My nightmare of being LATE to something IMPORTANT... my anxiety about not being on-time... so many dreams I've had in which I'm trying to get somewhere and something keeps getting in the way. It all came true. I called friends. I wanted support. I felt stupid. Everyone else got a chance and probably improved their scores as well. Not me. I know many attempted to console me. Many tried to make my last day in town (for awhile) better. I just kept feeling bummed. That was the beginning of the surrealness.

Sunday I left for Ashland University in Ashland, Ohio. This mock government all-female thing lasted until the following Saturday afternoon and I really wasn't looking forward to it. It was hot. Gross. No air conditioning in the dorms. Weird roommate. Immature boring girls. Things weren't looking bright. But by Monday, I had already made a friend named Sarah. And I was getting acquainted with her roommate Kathy, both of which became my very good friends throughout the week, and I had difficulty parting with the two of them.

On Tuesday, my sister was due to have surgery. She was having her gallbladder taken out. I called home Tuesday evening to receive very despondent news from my dad. During the operation, an artery in my sister's abdomen was accidentally cut, and she lost several pints of blood as a result. She was immediately put in intensive care and tended to tediously. She almost died. I cannot tell you how much my sister means to me and how I felt upon hearing this news. If the bleeding would've continued much longer, I would no longer have Shannon. That's how serious it was. The doctor called every hour that night to make sure she was okay. And here I was. Stuck miles away from home at an event that meant little to nothing to me. For the rest of the week. Instead of home. With her. During the course of the week, I tried to keep plugging along with a positive attitude, and I did fairly well, but I kept thinking of my poor sister. How strange that this would happen to her during a completely routine operation. No one ever really thinks about these things. I called many of my friends and pleaded with them to visit her and let me know how she was doing. I called home several times during the course of the week. Several complications arose as a result of the surgery mishap. For example, Shannon couldn't eat. Her bowels shut down, and she had zero gastric activity for nearly four days. She had a fever of escalating well over 100. She could barely breathe, and fluid was settling in her lungs, making her vulnerable to pnemonia. She went from Tuesday night to Sunday night without eating. She had to undergo periodic breathing treatments to expand her lungs. She was given morphine, other pain killers, blood thinners, and blood pressure medicine on a regular basis. Poor, poor Shannon.

I came home Saturday and went to the hospital with my friend Kevin as soon as I could. She was very pale and weak, but she was doing much better. I was so happy to see her. I spent the night at the hospital with her. I was just happy to be there for her. She slowly has begun eating, and she has progressed nicely with the breathing treatments the past few days. However, tonight she has a fever again. If her fever goes down, she will be able to come home tomorrow. Eight days as a fucking vegetable under completely unnecessary terms. That, to me, is surreal.

Several of my friends have visited her this week and even some long-distance ones I haven't heard from in ages have called me to check on her. I've spent a great deal explaining the situation to those concerned, and this is just one more time for me. I just am happy to still have a sister. I cannot type that in a way to reveal to you how much it really means to me. If she were to die, I would just die with her. I know that people must move on and live life. But I don't think I could live life without her there living it with me. I love her more than anything in the world. More than words can say.

In other avenues, the week-long trip, aside from the problems at home, was amusing. I enjoyed meeting the people I met, but all-in-all, I learned very little about government or politics, which was sort of the point. But oh well. It's done and over with and I'm glad. I don't really feel like delving into everything that it was and every little thing that happened while I was there. Perhaps I will share pictures later to make up for my lack of explanation.

And now, with my sister beginning to recuperate and me home, working practically every night again, I am left with my thoughts. At the end of the day, that's really all we have. I have been thinking about a lot lately, given some recent events in my life. I want to show everyone how grateful I am. I want to take advantage of oppurtunities when they arrive. I want to thank Kevin and Nevin and Tegan and Jessica and Tasha for visiting the most important person in my life and sharing my grief with me. Thank you for everything, everyone. I am taking my bow now and heading out for the night.

And I love you.