T mo chro iomln.
I find that my feet are once again stapled to the carpet.
The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, events, people, situations. Friday was my last day of school. Saturday I did a little cleaning, a little errand-running, a lot of working. I spent Sunday with my friend Damein and Jezz. I drove out of town to pick him up, and we met and hung out with his good-looking successful DJ/filmmaker friend Matt/Nigel. He just finished making a film with Rob Zombie. He photographs Playboy playmates. He was quite intriguing. He winked at me when he shook my hand. In town, we caroused and acted like vulgar teenagers whilst listening to loud rock and roll music. Monday I had a wonderful day. I thought I was in-love. I went for a walk and got a bit crispy. Got a milkshake. Got a head full of traffic. Went to work and thought about my day. Yesterday I went with a big group of friends to Cedar Point and rode everything in the park minus the new suicide coaster, a.k.a. The Dragster. I got a season pass, so maybe next time. On the drive home, I felt like Sara and I became better friends. She poured her heart out to me about her life as of late and I felt like I actually knew her, for the first time in the almost four years we've been friends. Today I spent time with Shannon doing a lot of nothing except eating lunch and driving around town. I had dinner (without eating) with my grandparents, who seem to annoy me and break my heart every time I see them nowadays.
Please tell me what to do about that. I feel so separated from my family. From my friends. From the people I love. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to say. I feel like it is difficult for me to breathe. I lay down in bed and just want to die. Just lay down and die. My heart is breaking.
SKIP TO SUNDAY MORNING >>>>>>> 1:29 A.M.
What did I do? I got my hair cut again. My sole purpose in getting it cut was to fix the shabbyness of the previous hair cut, which has been lop-sided for two months now. Now it is much more bob-like. Long in the front, short in the back. Lovely.
After six months, I finally finished reading Lolita. Save your applause for the conclusion of this entry.
Friday I traveled around and about to get a few things cleared away. Went to Marion. Took a test for some college classes I am taking next year. Ate a fantastic fucking garden burger courtesy of my sister's credit card. Came home. Grabbed a friend. Let the friend eat. Grabbed a sister. Took the friend and sister to Mansfield where strangeness pursued. Orgasmic consuming of Applebees product and near-death highway experiences. Bought my Warped Tour tickets. Um.
Today I went to a failed function, and got ice cream afterwards to make up for the pure pointlessness of my getting up early. Then I went for a walk with someone that reminded me why I often don't talk to um, people. Came home. Did stuff. Went to Wal*mart. Came home. Ate stuff. Went for work for over seven fucking hours. This "band" was playing in the bar. "Band" = a guy with a guitar singing over pre-recorded hits from the mid-to-late 70s. I stayed late because my co-worker went home early with a throbbing arm. I have a throbbing case of intolerance. That merits me nothing.
I am dreading next weekend. Simply dreading it. I have to go away for a week to an honorary campish type dealy. It's a mock government. Chosen girls from the state of Ohio. Lots of wearings of formal things I don't really possess in my wardrobe. Why the fuck did I agree to this? Oh yeah, and I take the ACT again on Saturday. I'm not saying anything.
Oh, there is so much more I have within me, but I will spare you your precious time and efforts.
Fuck you and your fucking label for me. ME! A person who swung herself around a fucking metal pole for you, for absolutely no logical reason and expecting shit in my face for consolation. Fuck you and your instituted teenaged dissolute behavior and unspoken need to fulfill all stereotypes. Fuck you and your nonconfrontational confrontation of sorts.
All I ever think about is when I get to touch you again.
What is happening to me?
I find that my feet are once again stapled to the carpet.
The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, events, people, situations. Friday was my last day of school. Saturday I did a little cleaning, a little errand-running, a lot of working. I spent Sunday with my friend Damein and Jezz. I drove out of town to pick him up, and we met and hung out with his good-looking successful DJ/filmmaker friend Matt/Nigel. He just finished making a film with Rob Zombie. He photographs Playboy playmates. He was quite intriguing. He winked at me when he shook my hand. In town, we caroused and acted like vulgar teenagers whilst listening to loud rock and roll music. Monday I had a wonderful day. I thought I was in-love. I went for a walk and got a bit crispy. Got a milkshake. Got a head full of traffic. Went to work and thought about my day. Yesterday I went with a big group of friends to Cedar Point and rode everything in the park minus the new suicide coaster, a.k.a. The Dragster. I got a season pass, so maybe next time. On the drive home, I felt like Sara and I became better friends. She poured her heart out to me about her life as of late and I felt like I actually knew her, for the first time in the almost four years we've been friends. Today I spent time with Shannon doing a lot of nothing except eating lunch and driving around town. I had dinner (without eating) with my grandparents, who seem to annoy me and break my heart every time I see them nowadays.
Please tell me what to do about that. I feel so separated from my family. From my friends. From the people I love. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to say. I feel like it is difficult for me to breathe. I lay down in bed and just want to die. Just lay down and die. My heart is breaking.
SKIP TO SUNDAY MORNING >>>>>>> 1:29 A.M.
What did I do? I got my hair cut again. My sole purpose in getting it cut was to fix the shabbyness of the previous hair cut, which has been lop-sided for two months now. Now it is much more bob-like. Long in the front, short in the back. Lovely.
After six months, I finally finished reading Lolita. Save your applause for the conclusion of this entry.
Friday I traveled around and about to get a few things cleared away. Went to Marion. Took a test for some college classes I am taking next year. Ate a fantastic fucking garden burger courtesy of my sister's credit card. Came home. Grabbed a friend. Let the friend eat. Grabbed a sister. Took the friend and sister to Mansfield where strangeness pursued. Orgasmic consuming of Applebees product and near-death highway experiences. Bought my Warped Tour tickets. Um.
Today I went to a failed function, and got ice cream afterwards to make up for the pure pointlessness of my getting up early. Then I went for a walk with someone that reminded me why I often don't talk to um, people. Came home. Did stuff. Went to Wal*mart. Came home. Ate stuff. Went for work for over seven fucking hours. This "band" was playing in the bar. "Band" = a guy with a guitar singing over pre-recorded hits from the mid-to-late 70s. I stayed late because my co-worker went home early with a throbbing arm. I have a throbbing case of intolerance. That merits me nothing.
I am dreading next weekend. Simply dreading it. I have to go away for a week to an honorary campish type dealy. It's a mock government. Chosen girls from the state of Ohio. Lots of wearings of formal things I don't really possess in my wardrobe. Why the fuck did I agree to this? Oh yeah, and I take the ACT again on Saturday. I'm not saying anything.
Oh, there is so much more I have within me, but I will spare you your precious time and efforts.
Fuck you and your fucking label for me. ME! A person who swung herself around a fucking metal pole for you, for absolutely no logical reason and expecting shit in my face for consolation. Fuck you and your instituted teenaged dissolute behavior and unspoken need to fulfill all stereotypes. Fuck you and your nonconfrontational confrontation of sorts.
All I ever think about is when I get to touch you again.
What is happening to me?
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
sixfeetunder:
Touch everything huh.
trementina:
thanks so much for your wihes, I hope that your sister gets better 
