kelland

I think I've learned how to feel again. Not that I really can decifer the exact moment I stopped feeling. It happened several months ago for reasons no longer relevant, and a constant string of disappointments and mishaps happened every once and awhile along the way to drag me back down to that fixated state of numb.

There was a time when I would've fantasized about this situation because it was so far from reality that it actually hurt when I tried to imagine it. I would walk by you and feel the aching tinge of bitterness and a pain that I cannot bring myself to describe. And you would drift by, oblivious, with your mind and heart in bigger and better places. And this was the scenario, as best as I can paint it for you. I went home many a night and I wrote about it, wrote things like this, and took a few pills and tried to sleep it away to forget. I thought I was an artist. I was a fucking pathetic excuse for a person.

It used to be quite simple
I would stumble into a ditch
But then drag myself to safety
Between the dilation and fragrance is someone you used to know
Impulses once abundant no longer compel you to speak
These fingers use to knead but now they only rest
Your figure darts between gorgeous and hideous
When I speed down this street I feel bigger than myself
But every waking moment is a moment Id rather be asleep
It used to be quite simple
I could pick up the phone and call at all hours
But home is not where I want to be anymore
The mere exchange of words leaves me bone dry
Feelings I once had have now been suspended in particles
I can no longer piece together this shattered brain
Cannot wear these clothes and present myself to the public
But I still manage to keep my shit together
Walking through this door has never been so tricky
It used to be quite simple

I became someone else. I became a person full of rage.

Please don't hate me for that.

I am someone else now. I feel love for the first time. I hope that it is not a temporary fixture. I feel accepted. I feel okay. I feel like I have a place somewhere with someone. For once. I feel like I am not far from a hug or a caress or a warm kiss on the cheek to make me feel like a person again.

Can sauntrai dom.