So, let's say that this extremely lucky individual owned a bicycle made of salami, but that's pretty much the only thing he had going on in his life. He loved salami and he loved bicycles. Everyday he rode his bicycle to run errands (like going to the store to buy salami to replace that lost in "accidents" and daily consumption) and got plenty of exercise. All was well in salami bicycle land. Then one day his salami bicycle was stolen. He then had no means of food or transportation. Moral of the story: Do not combine two good things to make one great thing, because once that one great thing disappears, two previously good things disappear with it. And it usually ends up being salami, which fucking sucks.
Now it's time for an episode of "The Many Faces of Kelland McGee."
1. Cool girl Siouxsie shirt Kelland.
2. Rock star sexy bitch Kelland.
3. Sad but rather pensive Kelland.
4. Action hero lamewad Kelland.
5. Stubborn Kerry enthusiast Kelland.
6. Cheesy and glossy-eyed Kelland.
Yesterday I helped my dad move the couch in the living room and WOW, does that really change one's perspective on things. It's like having a brand new living room! You should really try it if you haven't already.
Dinner at Kelland's: I come into the kitchen and my grandpa is frying shrimp. Cats are all over the table, so obviously it isn't set for dinner. I'm a little mad about that, but I forgive him because he's feeble and small and too fixated on the task of frying, so I clear the cats, clean the table, and set it. He then asks me to get the baked potatoes out of the microwave. Upon approaching the microwave, I notice a potato lying in the kitty litter box. Shocked and appalled, I get the potato out and proceed to throw it away, except my grandpa yells at me and tells me to stop -- "it just needs washed off and then it's good as new... you're being wasteful!" Um. I typically don't eat food that comes in close contact with feline feces, but OK. Then my grandma comes in the kitchen, hears about the incident, and chimes in with my grandpa telling me how ridiculous I am for trying to throw away perfectly good food.
Sara, Tegan, and I were in Sara's car on the way to tutor our childrens yesterday. Tegan, the queen of random cravings, decides she wants to stop at Kroger on the way to tutoring because she wants to buy ginger ale. Sara and Tegan exit the car and I am left inside Sara's car eating a bag of pretzels. They come back with three candy bars, a two liter of seltzer water (apparently she changed her mind about the ginger ale) for Tegan and a two liter of off-brand root beer for Sara. Tegan sits in the back seat, eating pretzels and candy bar and chugging her seltzer water while making obscene burping noises. Sara is driving and instructs me to take off the cap to her root beer so she can chug it at the red light. She looks quite funny drinking this massive bottle of soda, by the way. Then, when the light changes, she frantically tosses the pop back to me and in the process, the cap falls off. This is very bad considering the bottle is still very full and any bump in the road will cause the root beer to spill all over me. We enter the school parking lot (which just so happens to be a hill with TONS of holes in the pavement), and I quickly cover the capless top with my mouth, in an effort to prevent root beer spillage. We then find the cap and all is well. After tutoring and taking Tegan to her desired destination, Sara and I are sitting behind my house in her car. I decide to be an ass and shake her pop. She tells me not to, but I do anyway. Then she decides to be real smart-like and OPEN the bottle immediately after I shook it. Realizing that the foam is building fast and root beer will flood her automobile, she covers the top of the bottle with her mouth. Only the foam is too powerful, and it explodes all over her face and the car, splattering root beer everywhere. That is the tale of the tragic root beer incident of 2004.
Shannon is home once again. Yayness all around. I have to volunteer at the hospital tomorrow. Not so much yayness. But it's the weekend and that's always fun, right?
Now it's time for an episode of "The Many Faces of Kelland McGee."
1. Cool girl Siouxsie shirt Kelland.
2. Rock star sexy bitch Kelland.
3. Sad but rather pensive Kelland.
4. Action hero lamewad Kelland.
5. Stubborn Kerry enthusiast Kelland.
6. Cheesy and glossy-eyed Kelland.
Yesterday I helped my dad move the couch in the living room and WOW, does that really change one's perspective on things. It's like having a brand new living room! You should really try it if you haven't already.
Dinner at Kelland's: I come into the kitchen and my grandpa is frying shrimp. Cats are all over the table, so obviously it isn't set for dinner. I'm a little mad about that, but I forgive him because he's feeble and small and too fixated on the task of frying, so I clear the cats, clean the table, and set it. He then asks me to get the baked potatoes out of the microwave. Upon approaching the microwave, I notice a potato lying in the kitty litter box. Shocked and appalled, I get the potato out and proceed to throw it away, except my grandpa yells at me and tells me to stop -- "it just needs washed off and then it's good as new... you're being wasteful!" Um. I typically don't eat food that comes in close contact with feline feces, but OK. Then my grandma comes in the kitchen, hears about the incident, and chimes in with my grandpa telling me how ridiculous I am for trying to throw away perfectly good food.
Sara, Tegan, and I were in Sara's car on the way to tutor our childrens yesterday. Tegan, the queen of random cravings, decides she wants to stop at Kroger on the way to tutoring because she wants to buy ginger ale. Sara and Tegan exit the car and I am left inside Sara's car eating a bag of pretzels. They come back with three candy bars, a two liter of seltzer water (apparently she changed her mind about the ginger ale) for Tegan and a two liter of off-brand root beer for Sara. Tegan sits in the back seat, eating pretzels and candy bar and chugging her seltzer water while making obscene burping noises. Sara is driving and instructs me to take off the cap to her root beer so she can chug it at the red light. She looks quite funny drinking this massive bottle of soda, by the way. Then, when the light changes, she frantically tosses the pop back to me and in the process, the cap falls off. This is very bad considering the bottle is still very full and any bump in the road will cause the root beer to spill all over me. We enter the school parking lot (which just so happens to be a hill with TONS of holes in the pavement), and I quickly cover the capless top with my mouth, in an effort to prevent root beer spillage. We then find the cap and all is well. After tutoring and taking Tegan to her desired destination, Sara and I are sitting behind my house in her car. I decide to be an ass and shake her pop. She tells me not to, but I do anyway. Then she decides to be real smart-like and OPEN the bottle immediately after I shook it. Realizing that the foam is building fast and root beer will flood her automobile, she covers the top of the bottle with her mouth. Only the foam is too powerful, and it explodes all over her face and the car, splattering root beer everywhere. That is the tale of the tragic root beer incident of 2004.
Shannon is home once again. Yayness all around. I have to volunteer at the hospital tomorrow. Not so much yayness. But it's the weekend and that's always fun, right?
VIEW 25 of 68 COMMENTS
malloreigh:
well, i am the needy one here.
posh:
*swoon* yes please! you're so hot and everything.