kelland

"Most of all I apologize for all the times I came home and felt like none of it was good enough for me. Now I am seeing the consequences of my actions unfold like the letter you neglect to touch, the words spilling out like my blood onto the carpet. I want to tell you how sorry I am as I pen this note and spare my collective dignity. Friends, only friends, was the pact we made, but it feels wrong and strange and dishonest and I am expecting you to initiate the conversations once again so I do not have to rub my heart away in the process of getting your attention. We've got to do something about where we're going. Running in opposite directions, living perpendicular lives with our paper hearts cut out and ripped apart. We leave no room for rage, no room for anything worth the time. Two people facing opposing sides are walking away from each other, and neither one can say anything. I can plainly see the destruction, but I can't see you."

I wrote this two nights ago. And oh how these feeling keep creeping back up on me, so they can find me at my weariest and drag me to unthinkable lows. I have to be strong -- I have to separate myself from the sorrow and the guilt and the hurt, but I need a step-by-step manual on how to do so... because I am clueless. I have a headache again and I'm tired again and I'm thinking that all I want to do tonight is listen to the first side of my autumn mix and sleep. But I have to be at the high school in ten minutes for a meeting. And that is how my life generally is. School first -- approaching my emotions later.

On another note, the song of the week is "Skyline Pigeon" by Elton John. Everyone needs to download it. Now.